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11 years married to herion addict

Posted by Aliceelizabeth on 3 September 2015.

I am writing as I am in a very desperate place. I met my husband 12 years ago, and within the first week of dating, he told me of his heroin addiction and that he had a naltrexone implant and was 3 months clean. I was nieve to the drug and though that 3 months was a huge achievement. The implant lasted 6 months and as far as conversations went, he was totally clean. I had no reason to doubt this. Only the following year did I see a difference. We married 14 months after meeting, and within a month of returning from our honeymoon he left his job due to a row with his boss, in the confidence that he would easily get another position. This proved difficult and he became very possessive of me with mood swings. I started to notice glassy eyes and strange behaviour. I started snooping in his pockets and wallets and found some pills. They were Subutex, which I had never heard of. I looked it up and called FRANK to speak to someone who confirmed they were used to ween off heroin. I was utterly gobsmacked. Long story short, the next few months were very up and down. I found huge loans he was paying off and we were broke because he still didn't have a job, which of course did not help his situation. Looking back now, I should have kicked him out, but of course I just wanted to protect and get him off it. Later the following year, after ups and downs of being off and on it, I discovered I was pregnant. This I thought would push him to get clean, and he did make some progress. He went and got another implant, and promised to have proper weekly counselling and join a group. But what actually happened is he suddenly felt trapped and instead pushed me away, left the home when I was 6 months pregnant and didn't come back until about a month before my due date. It was horrendous. To cut a long story short, this has been going on for years. On it, off it again. We made the decision to leave London and move to France 4 years ago to try and get him away from the places that make it so easy for him to use. I gave up an extremely well paid job, he also, unbelievably had managed to keep getting good jobs, and he left too and we sold our 4 bedroom london home to move here. Within a year he found a supplier, and since then has been up and down on it. Mostly ok, but the last month I can see he has slipped so badly that I do not know where to go from here. I am now in a country where I don't speak the language well, have no good friends, none who I can discuss this with anyway, and no job.  We run our own businesses, which is forcing us to move back to the UK, but we cannot sell our home here. We have 2 children, both in school and no money in the bank at home. I am stuck. If I was in London I know I would have left him by now but being here I am literally up against a brick wall with nowhere to turn. He is a good man, an amazing man when not using, and after having a clean 4 months this year I got him back, but this slip is big. I just went to do some washing and found a ripped off piece of a shopping list I wrote on 3 days ago, which has the leftovers of brown burnt powder. I know I am enabling him but with our business it is difficult to take bank cards from him. Also because he sorts a lot of things for the home out because he is the French speaker in the home. I feel like I have lost myself completely and worry for my 5 and 9 year old as at some point they will find out, and I am terrified that our son will try it at some point in his life as his daddy did it. I have absolutely no idea what to do next. he is seeing a doctor here and a counsellor, but this time it doesn't seem to have any effect on him. After lots of counselling over the last year, he was put on anti-depressants back in April He only took these nothing else and was, as far as I know, clean from heroin. He stopped taking these at some point around July and went back on the heroin. No reason i can think of, except i went away for 4 days on business and when I came back I spotted the difference. It has gradually got worse. It is a vicious circle. The lies are like waterfalls, continuous, and he gets angry any time I confront him. I am now rambling on, but I just feel completely at a loss.....


Icarus Trust
5 Oct 2015

I am so sorry that you are so stuck in such a difficult situation. Its very sad that you feel so alone, and in a different country it must be very hard for you to get support for yourself. 
I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity that supports the friends and family of addicts. If you think it would help to talk to someone who would understand please get in touch. We could put you in touch with one of our trained volunteers called Family Friends who would be able to talk to you in confidence and perhaps help you to find a way ahead.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I hope this helps. Good luck!

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