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17 year old son taking drugs

Posted by MaisyR on 7 September 2014.

My nearly 18 year old son has a real problem with drugs. Since he was 12 he has been smoking weed nearly every day. He's always been in trouble and caused trouble and was thrown out a few schools.his father is an absolute waste of time, we separated when my son was 4, and he is in and out of his life. He makes false promises to him and let's him down constantly. I feel the drug use is to block out his feelings of neglect from his father. Anyway, over the last year the drug use has got worse. It's now ecstasy nearly every day, drone, cocaine and weed. Three weeks ago he was at an all time low and I took him to a local drug centre who said they would see him weekly and help him. Unfortunately he never went back and the drug taking has got worse. 5 days ago I found messages on his phone that showed that he was selling pills to others. He's lost his part time job as he went in out his face on drugs. After finding the messages I told him I could no longer have him in the family home. My husband & I have tried to do everything to give him, his sister and my two children with my new husband a good life. We got him a job, he choose his hours, we drove him to work. Gave him money for college, he had great holidays every year. For fear that his sisters may find drugs and because I feel I can't condone it I have had to let him go and face the real world. I explained to him that if he wants to do adult things he has to accept there is adult consequences. I also keep sending him messages telling him that I don't want to go on about the drugs but we'll always be here to support and help him in any way and love him with all our hearts. Knowing he is couch surfing etc is killing me inside. I feel like a complete failure as a mother! I'm crying every day that maybe if I'd done something differently he wouldn't be where he is today. Does this pain ever go away?

Comments

Icarus_Trust
7 Sep 2014

Hi Maisy,

This is a horrific situation for anyone to be in, let alone a mother and her child.  There are other forms of help which can be of huge help to you, your family and your son.  At The Icarus Trust, we have trained advisor's who will listen to you and your family, and signpost you to local support as well.  This is a free service as they are here to help you, so please do get in touch with them.  You can go to the website www.icarustrust.co.uk, or contact them over email on info@icarustrust.org.

I hope this is of some help to you!

MaisyR
7 Sep 2014

Thank you, I will have a look at the site. I'm beside my self with worry and amn't coping very well at all. I knew that to protect his 3 sisters and not to not enable him meant I've had to let him go. I was so worried one of them would find something & take it not knowing what it was. I just hurt so badly and feel such a failure as a mother.

CANT TAKE NO MORE
8 Sep 2014

Hi Maisy....your story mirrors mine....my sons father and I split when he was 3 and his step dad and I have now been together 20 years, with another child who is 14 years younger....we went through 4 years of hell...and eventually after helping with funding him a flat, furnishing it, buying food, paying off dealers, handing over money, having him steal off the family, lying, stealing...we had enough. We told him never to come to the house on or with drugs/alcohol...and when he was ready to get help we would be there...I've seen him high, angry, sad, violent, enter prison....I've heard him tell me he will kill himself, hurt himself, hurt someone if he can't have money, and eventually had enough...Ithe whole family cut him off, and eventually he asked for help...he has kept appointments with drug counsellors, the job centre and was clean for 5 weeks..had a relapse for a day, but got back on it and nearly 4 weeks later has got himself a full time job, which he started last week..I'm not saying it's all rosy, and we know he can relapse at any time...it's a daily fight for him...but it's HIS fight..as parents we can only support them on their recovery when they want it.And that's the hardest part, cause as parents we want to make everything right for them...unfortunately drugs/alcohol take over the person we once knew and leave a stranger in their place...hugs Hunni, and get some support for yourself....just someone else listening and understanding is a great help..honestly...much luv xx

MaisyR
10 Sep 2014

Can't take no more. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I truly appreciate it! I have been messaging my son, not insisting he does anything just telling him that we love him and are here whenever he wants help & support. He can never live in our home again, due to the younger kids, as it's too big a risk to take. My parents have told him that when he's ready to see a counsellor and therapist that their door is open and he can have a chance living with them. It is so difficult, but I know you're right it's his fight and I have to step back and let go. I know being so upset and on edge all the time isn't giving my other 3 kids a good life either so I need to try and move on. It's the most difficult thing I've ever encountered in my entire life. I'm glad to have found support & thank you! It makes it that little but easier having people who understand without judgement. X

CANT TAKE NO MORE
10 Sep 2014

It's never easy Hunni, and those that judge simply cannot understand the agony families goes through. Don't concentrate on those, concentrate on you and your family.....I'm no longer ashamed....it's an illness, that my son is fighting.....and believe me it's rife..in every town, in every city, on every street.....once I stopped enabling him, making it hard for him, then he had to get to rock bottom.......unfortunate but true.....hugs Hunni and stay strong xxxxx

maddie
10 Sep 2014

hi maisy  i have been through everything you are going through.my son has been thrown out of our home 5 times but he always managed to get back in with sob stories only to steal off us again.he has since had 3 flats he lost 2 through going to prison yet again down to his drug taking.even though he is no longer living at home he is still stealing from us.he recently applied for 17 pay day loans pretending to be me!myself and the family have finally cut him off and it is hard i have been just like you crying everyday worried sick were he is sleeping etc  but i feel like i have been on a wheel and cant get off but now i am trying to be tough. its hard i have had abusive txt then really nice txt him trying to get back in my life  but it has gone to far.i have tried to help him for the last 8 years to no avail. i am hopeing now he is on his own he might seek help and stick to it only time will tell.your not alone and dont blame yourself although you do at first but we havnt done anything wrong. they are chooseing to put the drugs first.take care hope this helps x

MaisyR
11 Sep 2014

Thank you, I appreciate it. I felt so alone so having all your help means an incredible amount to me. Just knowing I am not alone is extremely beneficial. I am now fine during the day. However morning & night time I feel dreadful. I gaze out the window at night  wondering where he's sleeping & if he's safe then in the morning wake up & wonder if he's ok. I just keep telling myself it's his choice and there's nothing I can do about it. I remind him every day through message that I love him and am here to support him when he's ready. I am firmly standing by the decision that he can never live in our home again. The 3 other children need a stable environment. I have to keep thinking we must let them go and with hope they'll find the right path. I know you must all be as equally heart broken and am glad to have found this site. X

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