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20yrs of living with a heroin addict

Posted by cinderella666 on 10 November 2014.

I was 20 when we met young free and single . He was already smoking heroin but kept it from me at first .I had no idea of how serious this was or how it would affect me . I had no intention of a relationship but he kind of moved himself in .  Anyway fforward 20yrs and im still on this horrible roller coaster of live he uses I catch him we argue we sometimes split .we have 3 children 18,8and 6 . And we both work.  I am so fed up of this cycle I want him to go leave and never come back but when he finally leaves I end up full of guilt and misery and take him back its like I enjoy the hurt or something . Why can I not just say go and mean it ? Im nearly 40 and the thought of this cycle of misery for the rest of my life is too much to bear :(

Comments

gg202
12 Nov 2014

For the same reason i cant let go completly!!u love him and u live in hope that he will change!!only you can change the cycle!!its not easy infact its heart breaking!!but so is being stuck in the cycle!!i wish u the best of luck x

Lucy
17 Nov 2014

My heart goes out to you bcoz i too was in your position and i was truly torn between my love for my partner and for the need to live a stable life with no uncertainty and no more heartache i did get to a place where i new i cud only change myself not my partner i cud show him i was there for him but i had to consider weather he wud eva b free from heroin and if i wanted a life that had amazing highs when my partner was clean he was all i eva dreamed ov my soulmate but in reality had come to realise this cycle may never change i started to put myself first but dont know if i cud have ever have truly walked away..my partner sadly passed away earlier this year after an overdosee and myself n my children have lost somebody simply irreplaceable our lives will forver be effected by the loss of him but i no in my heart i did everything i cud for him and i think if you remain their for him but try n focus on yourself you will be able to move forward with your own life..i wish you luck n happiness

Lucy
17 Nov 2014

My heart goes out to you bcoz i too was in your position and i was truly torn between my love for my partner and for the need to live a stable life with no uncertainty and no more heartache i did get to a place where i new i cud only change myself not my partner i cud show him i was there for him but i had to consider weather he wud eva b free from heroin and if i wanted a life that had amazing highs when my partner was clean he was all i eva dreamed ov my soulmate but in reality had come to realise this cycle may never change i started to put myself first but dont know if i cud have ever have truly walked away..my partner sadly passed away earlier this year after an overdosee and myself n my children have lost somebody simply irreplaceable our lives will forver be effected by the loss of him but i no in my heart i did everything i cud for him and i think if you remain their for him but try n focus on yourself you will be able to move forward with your own life..i wish you luck n happiness

Icarus Trust
17 Nov 2014

HI,
I'm sorry to read how hard things are for you. I work for a  charity called The Icarus Trust who would like to help you  break the cycle you find yourself in. The charity has a team of people called Family Friends who are trained to support family and friends of addicts. One would be assigned to you and would listen and help you to find a way forward.
Please contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrst.org
I really hope that you can find some help and support.

hope/faith
25 Feb 2015

I really feel for you, you cant help your feelings and the love you have for him, remembering the good times, and you want to believe he will change and you hang on to that tiny thread. I know I've been with my partner 16yrs and you feel like your on a roundabout going round in circles, my partner has a heart condition on top of the addiction, there are times when enough is enough and I want to end the relationship and say you won Heroin, but then there's times where I think its not going to beat us and he will get through it, life is a rollercoaster. I just hope and pray one day my partner regains control of his life, and that we can be a 'normal family' I live in hope for us all xxx

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