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A mother's worry

Posted by supporter on 21 August 2013.

We are worried parents!!  We often ask ourselves - what have we done so wrong??  Our son has gone from a loving caring person to someone that has become so cold and appears to have no feelings any more.  He hasn't actually admitted to taking drugs.  A mother knows when something isn't quite right.  He stays out most nights, doesn't have a regular sleep pattern.  His appearance has gone downhill.  He can be quite aggressive too.  He has been in an apprenticeship almost now for 3 years, and is more than likely to pass out if only he turns up for work and attends college to finish his portfolio.  

We have tried to brace this situation.  I have even asked him outright if he takes drugs.  His answer is always no.  Not to mention I found the long cigarette papers in his car!!  

It has come now to the point, he cannot be bothered to attend work regularly, stole money from my purse, sold personal possessions like his flat TV, run up debts with these payday loans.  It has even got to the stage that we have now received two letters from different debt collecting agencies.

It has come to the point where we cannot leave money laying around in the house, having to hide purses/wallets and had to take his housekey off of him.

We have helped him out!!   Not so long ago we paid outstanding debts up and his has received help from his grandad!!   His grandad loaned him money ... on the understanding he would pay him back monthly.

Unfortunately it has not stopped there, because already he has run debts up again. not to mention by how much!!  We cannot see, where or what he spends all this money on.  

He has mentioned on ocassions that he would actually take his own life if he had the guts to do this.

He has lost weight, doesn't eat regularly!!  He came in the other night saying he hadn't eaten all day and that could we give him some money for a take-away.  I told him, we didn't have money for a take-away and that there was a microwave dinner in fridge!!  Oh he said "I will go hungry coz I can't be bother"!   Normally we would give him money because we felt guilty about him not eating.

We have decided that we will not give him any cash any more!!  If he is taking drugs ... we don't want to help by giving him money.

He denies taking drugs!!  Does he need to admit he has a problem before we can even help him.  

If anyone can offer advice, we thank you in advance.  As worried parents, we are very frustrated and very concerned!!

Comments

carole
25 Sep 2013

It is very difficult when they will not admit to it. I can only advise to go on you gut feeling and address it now before it grts out of hand. Sit down with him and share your fears with him. Tell him you will not think any less of him that you love him and that you just want him to be honest with you.  That you recognise a change in his behaviour and appearance and you are concerned about his well being. Let him know you will be there to support him that there is help available if he needs it .

Deb
1 Nov 2013

This sounds very much like my situation. Our son ran up debts and became moody and angry not even bothering to talk to me or my husband. It went on for a few years and we paid off his debts only for him to run them up again and then in January this year he became psychotic and ended up being sectioned and put on medication. They said it was from using cannabis and if he stays off it he should recover. He is in supported housing now but I know he's back on the drugs again and i'm waiting for the devastation to happen all over again. Your son sounds very much like mine and I would be quite certain he's on something but the trouble is that unless he wants to stop and unless he admits he has a problem then as parents there is nothing we can do. They hold all the cards. You and your husband must try and look after yourselves as its so stressful and gut wrenching all the time and you don't want to become ill. Don't let one person bring the rest of you down. Drug users are very selfish people, they don't care about anyone elses feelings or concerns, its all about the next fix for them. Try and stay strong and don't give him anymore money because thats only helping him buy drugs.

Deb
1 Nov 2013

PS I would go to see his doctor and mention your concerns to him/her and if you have a local Mental health Team in your area speak to them and get some advice.
Its not easy being a parent and all we want is the best for our kids so its hard to see them doing this to themselves. I hope you manage to get some help.

Final chance
2 Nov 2013

Hi Supporter, your experience is very similar to my parents when they tried to cope with my brother. Deb is right, there is little you can do until your son admits he has a problem and more importantly wants to change. 20 years ago, pre internet, drugs weren't really talked about, I think my brother was the only person I knew who had a problem, it's good that sites like this exist for people to share their stories and ask for support. Good luck with your son x

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