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advice please

Posted by sad and tired on 9 April 2014.

well after everything I have said, I have done it again.  He was a day away from losing his car insurance and his job, he begged me to help him with bills. promised he would stay in at night, leave his account alone, go and get help for his problem.  So I helped him and at midnight last nigh he went out, to mcdonalds he says....... I am so angry with myself I must be the worlds biggest mug.......I cant even begin to imagine what the hell he is up to, but I don't think I can do this much longer, it is the lies and deceit as much as anything, he just doesn't seem to be able to help himself...... Just got up this morning and he is in bed, tells me I am paranoid and that even though before I said I would help him he agreed to get some help for his problem, now apparently cos I have got onto him the deal is off and he wont get help.  His insurance will need paying again Friday and he needs petrol money to get to work.  he just laughs at me and says he knows I will help him What do I do........

Comments

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

maybe I should add, that when he got paid this month, he blew the lot in two nights, so had nothing to pay any bill or get to work

CANT TAKE NO MORE
9 Apr 2014

Morning hun.....Don't beat yourself up , we are all only human.....I think you know he constantly manipulates you, after all you are mum....I certainly wouldnt give him money for petrol......start as you mean to go on.....you may have had a lapse but get back on it, and dont enable him....Im going through it now, and even when he calls me all the names under the sun, I still dont give in....dont get me wrong, it hurts like hell, but Ive got it in my head now that every time I help him, ALL i AM DOING IS ENABLING HIM TO DO DRUGS.....Massive hugs hunni, take a deep breath, and carry on....much luv xxxx

concerned mum
9 Apr 2014

Hi,  I know exactly how you feel i had myself in the same situation yesterday...I swear to myself that im not gonna help financially but then you feel that if you dont there own situation gets worse which impacts on you anyway....but where do you draw the line my son will come out with the most amazing elaborate stories to get money..yesterday was the final straw for me he had again borrowed money and did nt get it back in time for a direct debit so now im going overdrawn and guess what since he has the money i aint heard a single thing from him...phone is switched of etc....Im sure u know all to well...My thoughts are with you i know exactly what ur going through. xx

Franticmum
9 Apr 2014

try not to be so hard on yourself, you are his mum, as an addict sadly your son knows just which buttons to press, you have always been there for him so he knows you care, there is no easy solution, but while you are enabling him nothing will change, believe me I know, Ive had over 17 years of this and have only just begun to take a step back, I refuse to be part of his drug filled world any more, its so hard as everything inside me is screaming to be by his side, but I cant cope with the letdowns any more, my only real advise I could say is try to follow your head and gut instinct not your heart, look after yourself put your needs before his for a change, and most of all keep strong try not to show him how vulnerable you are, keep in touch love, sending big cyber hugs love Sue Xxx

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

just made him take a call from a company after money, he wasn't happy.  I then said how rough he looked he has been out most of the night and got a load of abuse.  I really really don't need this.  He says I am paranoid and I start to think I am.  I can see what is going on but you still hope deep down that it is something else not drugs.  He is getting through so much money I just cant see how you would spend that much on drink?

CANT TAKE NO MORE
9 Apr 2014

It really hurts me to hear of all the pain we are going through....its never ending,..one drama after the other....spoke to my son this afternoon, and he apologised....urgh heard it all before..I told him I loved him, and would be there for him, when he makes the decision to get help.....until then, my sole aim is to make sure my grandson is ok.....I also said that when he goes to prison, that should be his time to wake u and smell the coffee.....atleast we both know where we stand!!!!

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

He has spent all day lying on his bed texting / sleeping.  His eyes look red, and he is pale does this sound like anything to anyone? He cant be bothered to do anything.....cept let me spend all afternoon trying to negotiated with this company for the new debt.  I am tired...

CANT TAKE NO MORE
10 Apr 2014

Sad and tired.......I can feel the sorrow,anger, and tiredness in your post.....Ask yourself one question...WHY???? If its his debt let him deal with it....you are still enabling him by trying to sort his debt out......I know its hard, but you can get tough, we are all here to support you..dont forget that xxxxx

sad and tired
10 Apr 2014

cos I don't want to see him with debt collectors chasing him, I don't want to see him lose his job.....but I know in my heart that as soon as I have sorted it out as best I can and his money is in the bank he will demand his card and blow the lot.  It has reached a point where if he doesn't touch next months money he can pay his arrears and pay me back.  He will still have debt but if he is sensible he could manage.... trouble is he cant be sensible.....

janeyj47
17 Apr 2014

Sad and tired....I no what you are trying to do. Whilst my son was working I was paying his car insurance and petrol money just so he could keep his job. I knew if he lost his job then it would all fall back on me financially. I done this for 2 years and now he has lost his driving licence due to his foolishness. He lost his job because it was driving and now he is constantly on me for money. His dole money that he gets once a fortnight gets spend in 1/2 days. It is a daily battle with him. Now he actually threatens me and last night smashed a hole in my living room wall. Like you I am just so tired of this. I have learnt one thing and that is whatever you try and do for them it is never enough. He wants money daily and while its ok for some people to say no and stick to it with my son at the moment I just no that it will end up with him actually attacking me. That's the truth. It has come to this. Something has to happen to actually stop all this. I just cant do this on my own or my way anymore. It will come to a head soon.

sad and tired
18 Apr 2014

Hi Janeyj......how old is your son? My son is 22 he came home last night and when I told him he had letters demanding payments which  I had already made for him.  He said well your problem, you got my card, you sort it.  I felt like chucking the whole flippin lot at him.  I went out for the evening and had to come home as I didn't trust him, he told me he had my dog out late evening, he never ever takes her out and I worried what he was doing with her, it crossed my mind he would sell her or give her away.....how sad is that.  He got paid yesterday and because he has taken time off work he is 300 down so cannot pay me my money back which I have paid out to stop debt collecters turning up but at least his immediate bills are covered. I am waiting for him to start demanding money......I sometimes feel like I am at breaking point, it seems like a never ending battle to keep on top of his debts and he doesn't even care.  He knows he wont have money and cant go out this month and maybe not next month so it will be interesting to see how long it takes for the threats and begging for money to start.  While my son has had no cash he has been staying in but as soon as he gets hold of money that's it.......

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