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Alcoholic father

Posted by Little lady on 24 December 2014.

I don't really know where to start. I'm writing this and sharing to see if this helps. They say talking about problems really makes a difference so here it goes. 
Ever since I was really young and I mean my  first memories, my dad has drank heavily. When i say heavily I mean either 8 cans of carling special brew , a litre of vodka or whiskey a day. 
Ever since my mother divorced my dad thugs has spiralled for the worse. I've had to move out because I can't deal with his drinking and abusive behaviour. 
My mother was diagnosed with dimentia when I was 18 years old, I'm now 23 and I'm lucky if she recognises me someways. 
Anyway back to the subject, my dad is now drinking really badly as he's out of work and is not interested in anything other than his litre of whiskey a night (straight) 
I visited him tonight and noticed he hadn't had a drink and was sober although there was a bottle waiting on the table. 
He didn't look well, his stomach is like a big hard ball obviously swolen from the alcohol abuse. We were having a normal conversation and all of a sudden out of no where he started vomiting uncontrollably. 
He then told me this has been going on for a month or so and also he has been coughing up blood. I know this is a really bad sign but he will not listen to me or go to a doctor or let me help. He convinces no one but himself that it's just a bug he's caught but surely a tummy bug does not last 4 weeks. 
To be honest I just need a little guidance on what to do next 
Thanks for listening

Comments

Icarus Trust
3 Jan 2015

Hi,
Sorry to hear that this is such a worrying time for you.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which is there to support the families and friends of addicts. We have trained people called 'Family Friends' who you could talk to. As you say, talking about a problem often helps. They have loads of experience of what you are going through, so may be able to help you find a way ahead. Also they could let you know of other help that would be available for you and your dad if you want it.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this might help you. Good luck with everything.

BabJi
16 Feb 2015

Hello, 

I'm really sorry you've been dealing with this. Has anything improved since you wrote?

I'm commenting because I'm in a similar situation with my dad.  When he's sober he's great; funny, intelligent, kind, loving and my best friend.  After drinking too much for a long time, he had a major breakdown after the end of a relationship a few years ago where he drank non-stop for months on end, finally ending up in a&e, barely alive. Since then he's got clean and then relapsed again, going through this same cycle at least 3 times in 3 years. I just found him today, he's relapsed again and been drinking solidly for 3 days in bed.  

The help of my dad's friends has been invaluable to me during all of his relapses, especially because I'm his only child and he has no parents, his remaining family live far away and he and my mum aren't together now.  His friends have staged interventions and nursed him back to health while I've been living abroad.  But I know they won't be able to do this forever and he's already lost friends because they can't cope.  

Are there any family friends/other family who can help you? Anyone he respects and might listen to?

Ultimately I think maybe there is little we can really do except try to support them to make their own decision and to encourage them to deal with the root causes when/if they are sober.   But it is so painful to watch them self destruct and sometimes I feel like I'm grieving for him because the real him isn't there when he's like this.

In your case I would probably call an ambulance if he is coughing up blood etc to check what's causing it.  That's happened with my dad before and the hospital scared him into getting sober (for a while..)

Anyway I guess we just try to support them, whilst also trying to look after ourselves and our own mental health. I hope things have improved for you and your dad but if not, you're not alone.

Icarus Trust
23 Mar 2015

You are right. It is really important to look after yourself too. Please contact The Icarus Trust if you would like to speak to anyone who may be able to help.

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