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alone, trapped and scared.....!!!

Posted by nitty on 26 May 2014.

Well 4 months on since my last blog I'm still in the same position, my boyfriend has cocaine 6 nights a week drinks, Smokes and gambles he wastes £500 a week never pays me any attention love or acknowledges I exist, I have to put up the mood swings constant blame and paranoia, I don't move out my door other than going to work I never have money too but oh no I'm sleeping around chatting online blah blah same old...... people who know me know I'm not like that I'm loyal kind caring person, I keep losing my temper through stress all I get will u lend me this lend me that I get ignored constantly and he expects me to jump and I won't, when he starts with the accusations I just blow I can't help it i know I shouldn't but I'm only human I'm hurt and angry (bad combo). I'm scared something bad will happen I've asked him to leave loads and he won't, I've got to the point now where I'm sitting in my room all the time bored but I have to cause if I look at him I get so mad all I think is y me?what have I done to deserve this? I know it's only me who can change it but it's hard when your scared......

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
26 May 2014

Hey Nitty.....sounds like his love for drugs far exceeds his love for you....thats drugs and the pull they have. Unfortunately he is dragging you down and until you start looking after yourself and putting yourself first it will never stop....my next question is why are you still with him??? Until he wants the help he will never change... You say you feel alone...well why not be alone without the stress...I know it sounds hard, but whilst you enable him to stay with you nothing will change.. Take care hunni x

nitty
27 May 2014

I know exactly what he is doing and y I feel like this, I've let him stay cause of him making me feel like I'm nothing I've had bad depression, my mum, sister and nephew were all sick at one all having major ops, I just felt like I couldn't deal with it all at once I've let him walk all over me, I loved him but what for to be treated like scum, it's getting physical now and sometimes started by me I'm not a violent person never had been it's the anger I feel inside, my dad killed himself on drugs an somewhere deep inside I thought I could fix my partner which I know know I can't x

nitty
28 May 2014

I'm that girl who sits in the corner crying wanting it all to end...! Scared lonely and petrified what's next I'm a broken woman

CANT TAKE NO MORE
28 May 2014

Hey Nitty......come on hunni, your not alone....After reading through your posts It looks like you have already made your decision..perhaps saying it loud is too final.....dont let this man take up any more of your time, love and care. He is an addict and his only concern is drugs.... get him out of  your home because YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE ! I know you said that family members have been in hospital recently, but is there any one of them you can confide in and get some support from??? If not then enlist a friend to help you through this hard time...you need support, and you deserve to live a life without someone's addiction enveloping you . Take care hunni, many of us here are happy to support you...thinking of you xx

nitty
8 Aug 2014

Thanks for your post means a lot yesterday I did it told him no more I just need to stay strong cause he has already tried to get back in he is telling me he loves me the usual and I can't take that anymore he does love his addiction more cause if he didn't he would stop for me,

nitty
14 Aug 2014

Well i took him back and i was stupid and weak listened to his promises thinking he was speaking the truth he hasnt took coke for 8 days but he is iching and i cant be arsed now ive made a huge mistake and ive lost my family now they wont speak to me i have no support and im so loney now arrrghhh i just wanna scream

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