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At a loss for words

Posted by Concerned Mom on 14 May 2015.

My youngest child who was 14 at the time decided 3 years ago that he was going to live with his father, as there were certain things like drinking and taking drugs were not something that I allowed. His father did not see it as being a problem as it was in the home!!!
To cut a long story short and trust me it would probably take about a month to write everything that has happened. 
Many things have happened, at one point i put my marriage on the line to have my child back (even though he was drinking and taking drugs etc etc), my child then decided that he didn't want this as of course I would not allow this kind of behaviour in my home!!
He was given a place to live on 2 separate occasions as his father couldn't cope with the behaviours and so he ousted him as he started thieving things from his home.
The first property my son went to he trashed and subsequently got thrown out, second occasion at a respected hostel, again he treated it like a doss house, again being evicted. I  went to visit him an 2 occasions and it was awful how he treated people that were trying to help him, I felt embarrassed, I did not bring any of my children up like this.
I have now had social services trying to bully me into having my child back into my home as there is nowhere for him to go, I explained I had given my son 2 opportunities after his father had ousted him but had it slapped back in my face that he was not going to come back because he had free rein "out there".
  I was told by social services that I have a responsibility (duty of care) to my child that I MUST take him back otherwise I could face the possibility of court and maybe criminal action. When I asked about his father (he was registered as living with) being contacting I was told "we haven't got his number!!"
 So they are now trying to emotionally blackmail me....I may sound like I am being nasty and awful but I cant have him back here, there are many things that he has not only done to myself but my husband AND my other children.
 I love ALL my children but allowing this behaviour is only enabling it , I do feel bad but I can not give in, he knows I love him (I hope) but I cant help him if he doesn't want to help himself, I am just at a loss. People that know the situation understands why I cant, people that don't look upon me as a rotten mom :o(
The lovely lady from social services went on to tell me that she is a mom and that she would not rest if she did not know where her child was!!

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
21 May 2015

Hey Hunni....you also have a duty of care to your other children. I totally understand where you are coming from. I can totally empathise with you, and I imagine your son chose to stay with his dad because he could get away with the drinking and drugs. Stick to your guns, but leave the door ajar...im slightly worried that SS have not considered the effects on your other kids if he did return to your home, to me that's shocking! Sorry but is your son 17 now?

Concerned Mom
21 May 2015

No, my son is actually 17 in July. I am definitely sticking to my guns as I can not go through what I went through before, I thought I was going insane!!! seriously I went to the doctor because I thought I was losing my mind, I had to have therapy. I will not take that journey as I did before....it was like living in hell....

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 May 2015

I know Hunni, most of us have suffered in one way or another....your story sounds similar to mine,and my son has stolen and lied from his family, caused chaos, treated us like dirt on his shoe.....after coming on this group and educating myself I got tough....he's 24 now and getting there..back in work, providing for his son....and I have a younger child too, so coming home was never an option whilst he was addicted...tough I know,  but I kept the door ajar and told him I would be there when he was serious about getting help....it's been nearly a year, and it's hard for him, but he takes one day at a time....keep strong and get yourself some support...hugs xxxx

Icarus Trust
31 May 2015

The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the friends and families of addicts. If you would like to be put in touch with one of our experienced  trained volunteers please get in touch.If you would like to talk through what you are going through with

Icarus Trust
31 May 2015

..  one of them it might help you  to find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

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