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At crisis point with brothers alcohol addiction

Posted by Crusha on 2 October 2015.

Where do I begin. I grew up with a father who would change personality through alcohol & become very aggressive.Mum gave up her marriage when my brother was 12 years old as she could no longer cope. My brother chose to stay with my dad & my dad isolated him from his mother & sisters for years & their relationship became mentally & physically abusive. My brother didn't speak up so mum & sisters didn't know what my brother was going through as he always protected dad. So now I have a brother who began to drink at 14 yrs of age & follow his dad's footsteps with his behaviour. My brother has returned into his mum & sisters life 4 years ago after he took my dad's car whilst he was asleep & drove it off the motorway to end his life. He was so drunk he survived and went to prison. His father rejected him & tossed him away like a toy & we have been paying the price ever since! My sisters have moved away as they can't cope with it and so has Mum. Although mum has been supporting him with me for years now. We fought for him to be under mental health as he is a manic depressive and self harmed. When he came out of prison he was homeless so between mum & I we gave him a roof until he got housed. He has been lapsing over the years on & off and made improvement, meeting a girlfriend past year but lapsed with stress in front of her & her kids with verbal abuse & remanded in custody. Released 3 months ago as I gave temporary address & homeless as he gave up his flat to live with his girlfriend who has tried so hard but has had to end the relationship. He has struggled to get someone to live as he doesn't work and I feel stuck with him on my own as everyone are at their wits ends have given up on him. 2 weeks ago I had a break away to come home to him drunk and verbally abusive to me because I threw the drink away I found he was hiding in my house. He knows it is strictly out of bounds in my home. Tonight he came back to mine after he had walked to a doctors appointment, firstly calling me to ask for me to collect him. I sensed he had lapsed & told him no & not to return to mine because he has been drinking. I had friends with me & the next thing he came back couldn't get in so shouted & kicked the door open. He just wanted to go to bed he said but continued to shout nasty threatening things at me. My friend decided to call the police which he verbally shouted threatening behaviour to my friends. They stayed with me til police took him away. So he is on the streets tonight & I am going through hell just thinking about it. I need to think about myself I am falling apart with the distrust & anxiety I have when he leaves my home & returns! Advice please? 😩

Comments

Selina1985
26 Oct 2015

Hi Crusha, I am currently experiencing the same problem with my older brother, who is taking drugs.  It has come to the point, where I see no way out and he is affecting me mentally.  I have been on antidepressants for the past 4 months, however when do we say STOP and not help anymore.  I fear that by not helping I will be affected severely with guilt and if I do, he will continue to steal from me and I may have a nervous breakdown.  I have no idea where to turn either. :(

Selina1985
26 Oct 2015

Hi Crusha, I am currently experiencing the same problem with my older brother, who is taking drugs.  It has come to the point, where I see no way out and he is affecting me mentally.  I have been on antidepressants for the past 4 months, however when do we say STOP and not help anymore.  I fear that by not helping I will be affected severely with guilt and if I do, he will continue to steal from me and I may have a nervous breakdown.  I have no idea where to turn either. :(

Crusha
26 Oct 2015

Hi Selina, I feel your pain but you are not responsible for your brothers actions. I have supportedy brother for many years at the cost of my health & happiness & the end result has been him lapsing yet again, blaming everybody else but himself. Unfortunately when they are in denial they will keep choosing what they do regardless of the destruction to others around them. My brother took advantage of me again recently but it was just that one too many that pushed me over the edge & I kicked him out & remained strong to give him the wake up call he needed. After being on the streets for a week it scared the life out of him because I stuck to my boundaries & DIDNT GIVE IN which is what he is normally used to. I have now been told by him that he wishes for me to never contact him again! Very hurtful when I have done & given so much to him. The journey has made me accept that I can't save him he can only do that himself & I am so much happier without him as it causes me so much stress which makes me ill. So my advice to you would be to find the strength to do tough love. Stop doing for him so that he has no choice but to do for himself. Tell him you love him and always will but you must think of yourself now & enjoy your life. I don't feel guilty anymore because he turns on me when he doesn't get what he wants and I know I have done so much and cannot possibly have done any more. So I can now accept that I can't help him I can only love him. 😊

Icarus Trust
16 Nov 2015

Hi Crusha 
You sound such a brave strong person who has had such a hard time.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports the family and friend of addicts. We have trained volunteers who you could talk to if you think that would help you deal with what you've been through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.

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