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Beverley saved my life

Posted by Tattersley79 on 9 January 2014.

Im 34 years old and been with my partner 10 years, our relationship has been turbulent but I love her and likewise, A few years ago I started using heroin and kept it to myself for as long as possible then the inevitable happened and my girl found out. She was upset and i thought i would lose her but she did stand by me. it has been rocky and iv lied and stole from her iv put her thru hell but still she has tried her hardest to help me and now im writing on this blog becasue i owe my life to her, Id like to let people out there know that if you turn your backs on that loved one who is mixed up with H then how can you expect them to come back from it. Beverley dug her heels in deep and really tried hard to help and for a while she got me on the straight and narrow but i have lapsed and iv broke her heart but she has always been there and always got me back up on my feet. we broke up recently and i moved out which made me hit the stuff real hard. although we had split she was still in daily contact trying to make sure i was okay and not going to kill myself with the stuff, somehow she managed to get hold of my mum who lives miles away and told her everything, my mums then came and picked me up and made me do my rattle and clean my self up. i am now clean and its all down to the help i got from bev becasue without her perseverance and hard work id have been lost to the smack a long time ago but instead of turning away she stuck by me and she saved me so for those of you who have loved ones that you think cannot be saved or it isnt worth the hassle well it is, becasue one day if you keep at it they will realise and they will be stopped. Bev now livbes apart from me but i still speak to her every day i love her with all my heart and im so sorry for what i have put her thru and its all down to H. I hope one day she will forgive me for the hell i casued our relationship and if that day comes i will take the second chance and never let it go. for those people out there that have the situation where you can either turn your back or help id say help everytime becasue if you love that person then surely they are worth saving

Comments

Tan
10 Jan 2014

I don't know how to help him though. I feel useless. He says he wants to quit but doesn't know where to get help so how do I help him??

Tattersley79
10 Jan 2014

Start with your local drugs and alcohol team. Subutex worked for me it really is amazing stuff if used and not abused. it can take a week or so to go thru the system and got a script but its well worth all the trips to the docs. One thing i will stress is although the physical part of it does hurt its more the anxiety that keeps you craving the shat.. what area are you in i iwll see if i can find ut the best people for you to contact. i swear if it wasnt for my missis keep pushing and helping me id be dead, dont get me wrong at the time i hated it but when i think now she was in my face every day to sort my self out and when you have someone who cares i suppose it helps . dont give in on him love please keep pushing and you will get somewhere esp if he says he wanst to quit. try starting with his doctor. dont let them palm him off with methadone tho it will only act as a safety net. he needs subutex(not suboxone) the buprenorphine in subutex is n opiod antaganist and will stip all the pleasure of morphine from his receptors. will keep him clear headed and even if he wants to or trys to use the buprenorphine will stop the pleasure the morphine gives in the brain.. IN SHORT DRAG  HIM TO DOCTORS AND DEMAND SUBUTEX

fifi65
11 Jan 2014

Just like to say "well done" and wish you all the best for the future!!!

help81
22 Feb 2014

This post has really touched me although I wish I could agree. I was with my partner for ten years until it all came to a messy and very confusing end in November. I am 32 and have never been involved with Heroin and, looking back, I was in denial as to how long he had actually been an addict. 
I feel like I fought and fought for him but each time I tried he said I just didn't understand and all I was doing was nagging. I can see now that I thought I could control his habit but I was very mistaken. 
It all came to a head when December 2012 he had another violent outburst. I said he had to leave our home. I did not want this to be a permanent measure, more of a wake-up call but it had the opposite effect. For the next year we went from me thinking he had OD'd in his flat to us having a lovely summer before one tiny incident spiralled in to a huge argument and the contact diminished. I missed him and wanted him but was angry at his lack of contact. He would sporadically text to say I'd pushed him away, then he was sorry and needed me, then he didn't want me to see him in such a state and that he wanted to get clean. Then one night in November I decided to visit his flat, which I avoided as I couldn't come to terms with him not living with me anymore and was scared of who I might find there. While I was parked outside I seen him with another female and it all made sense. He'd met someone else. Someone who he could share something with that he couldn't share with me, Heroin. I text but he refused to admit it or answer. He'd even been at mine the week prior saying he wanted us to be able to go back to how we used to. Two weeks later he admitted he had someone else and they were living together. He told me that I never cared about him and this new woman makes him happy.
I stayed with him for ten years because I loved him. I still love him as much as I did ten years ago. Regardless of all the sleepless nights, violence, lies, stealing and, looking back, lots of cheating - I still love him. I now have to fight everyday with the thoughts that I failed him, it's my fault he's not in recovery. I feel guilty for that one moment of telling him to get out even though I was scared. The worst thing of all is I wonder, did he ever love me and does he ever even think of me now. How long had he really been with her? I've even had abusive texts from her with her saying I never really loved him, which is obviously his words.

So, although I pushed him away I never ever wanted to lose him. I just had no help from anyone. He was refused subutex, his parents didn't understand. They bury their heads in the sand and blame me for all of this.

I'm so glad that you are clean and you and Beverley can remain friends but I do believe you are one of the very few lucky ones.

Everyday I look at my phone and hope to see a message from him but then will the pain start again? That pain was easier to cope with than this. He was so loving and thoughtful but I could not see past the addiction.

I have rambled here and do not know the purpose of my post.

I do wish you all the best and hope someday I can find sense in the awful situation. I have lost my soul mate and best friend yet he lives on in his own world and has a someone to comfort him.

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