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Broken

Posted by GAF2016 on 18 October 2016.

Hi I am a broken hearted Mum of a 27 year old cocaine addict.  I have been trying to "fix" him for over a year now.  I am 21,000 in debt and I don't know which way to turn now.  I can go on and on with all that has happened over the last two years, but I don't think there will be enough space on here!!  I have done Counselling 1on1 and nothing is really helping me to cope and help my son.  I feel like I am grieving for a son who is still breathing and it hurts like mad.  My family all know now and try to support us but none of them live with him anymore. He is always breaking down in his car, always running out of petrol, always “losing” money, it’s excuse after excuse with him.   I know every lie he is going to come out with now and when I say anything he shouts and says he is no longing using!!  We all know that he is.  I feel like I can't go on sometimes.  I am terrified he is going to go back to loan sharks again and get in the trouble he did before.  He is barely hanging on to his job and his boss has been brilliant with him but will only take so much more.  We love him so much but don't know which way to turn anymore.  If anyone has any advice please I would be really grateful.  Thank you.

Comments

Singlemummy
19 Oct 2016

I can not imagine the heartbreak of seeing your own child going through this and being powerless to stop it.  I stopped bailing my husbamd out and left - he lost his job, racked up even more debt and upped his use of drugs to daily. BUT he then reached rock bottom and could see what his life had become. That was what saved him. But like i said i cant image how to do that when its your son, im so sorry you are going through this. I hope u have family and friends who can support YOU. Sorry im not being any help - but i didnt want to read and not write anything.

Adfam Administrator
20 Oct 2016

Hi there,

Thanks for posting. We are very sorry to hear about your issues, it sounds like you've got a huge amount of things to deal with.

A couple of organisations which may be able to give you some advice:

Families Anonymous run a national helpline which you may find useful, and specialise in supporting families affected by substance use - 0845 1200 660.
Release provide free legal advice on drug issues, and a helpline - 020 7324 2989. 

Lastly, if you ever feel like you just need to talk to someone and share what you are going through you can call the Samaritans at any time on 08457 90 90 90.

Wishing you all the best,

Adfam

Icarus Trust
31 Oct 2016

Hi

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a bad time. There is also The Icarus Trust a charity that supports families and friends affected by loved one's addictions. We have trained volunteers that you could talk to if you think it would help to give you some support.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

I hope this will help. Good luck.

GAF2016
2 Nov 2016

Thank you so much for your messages I really appreciate it. I am going to ADAS on Monday. Thank. You for the contact numbers too. I will definitely be in touch. Thanks again. 
Singlemummy thank you for sharing your story with me. I hope you are now happy. I have heard that the rock bottom was a fallicy but obviously not. I have got to a point with him where I still love him but don't like him. This makes me so sad, how can you not like your own son. Thank you for writing to me x

Singlemummy
2 Nov 2016

Counselling helped me see that hate (or dislike) and love are not relative to one another, it was perfectly okay for me to both love and hate at the same time. At the moment his behaviour is defining him and it is the behaviour which you dont like - its not your son the person u know and love making these decisions but the addict. hes still in there somewhere and you are amazing for not giving up on him x

GAF2016
8 Nov 2016

Thank you Singlemummy, that's the first time in two years that someone has said I am amazing for not giving up on him. You have great advice there thank you so much x

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