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Broken and lost

Posted by Broken on 28 March 2014.

First time I've been here and I hope I don't upset anyone if I don't understand how I should be looking after my son. He's 17 and 6 months ago found his first real girlfriend. Since the start she was intense, argumentative, demanding and " played with his head" he started taking legal highs as a way of self medicating from the pain if not being experienced in a relationship and knowing his to deal with her. He also uses weed and I don't know what else. He is aggressive when comming down, he looks awful no longer caring about his appearance and lost lots of weight. He gets diarrhea if he's not used. He self harms through blunt force trauma - punching himself hard in the face or banging his head of the ground. My house is full of holes punched in walls. I've been called everything under the sun. All this from a kid who was so likable and sociable 6 months ago. He's bunking off school, has 5 th year exams coming up and more than likely will be thrown out of school. I don't give him money but a kid he hangs around with gets a standing order put in his bank every month and he buys the stuff and invites my son to use with him.
I've been to school as they smoke if at break times and asked for drugs policy and am still waiting. Spoke with guidance teacher asked to speak with head teacher and he refused !!!
He sold his X box 2 nights ago for £30 - I'm wondering what's next. My whole family is so worried.
I've read posts on here about families going through this for years and years and I realise I've only had 6 months to deal with. I can't imagine how you all must feel. I have to admit I find the prospect of facing years of this terrifying. I have no idea where he is tonight as he turns his phone off, and constantly just waiting in that " knock at the door"
My other son is 13 and seen far too much in last 6 months and hates what his brother is doing. 
Sorry to ramble on, I honestly don't know where I went wrong .

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
29 Mar 2014

Hey love, now breath.... its not yours or anyone elses fault...I blamed friends, girls he was with anyone but him...wow how stupid was I....IT IS HIS CHOICE, no one elses, and that is the hardest thing to come to terms with.You bring them up in a loving secure environment, show them right from wrong, help them with their dreams and then POW, along comes alcohol and drugs and theres no turninng back....Everything you have said is typical of what the rest of us have gone through, and are going through....I would go further than the head teacher and speak to your local MP, write to the school of governers and DEMAND they deal with it.....If the school is online, most put their anti bully policy on there..check you never know.....I think its time to get hard, and when he is in a better frame of mind discuss what your family expects from him, and what the consequesnces could be....Ive known parents shop their kids...drastic but effective, especially if they have never seen the inside of a police station before....I know thats not for all parents but just something else to think about.....IF I had known what my son was doing at that age, I would have gone to all his friends parents and told them.......most users hang out together!!! Parents in numbers is also effective!!! Hang in there hunni, you are not alone.....and dont forget to try and keep things as normal as you can for your other son....I make sure I have quality time with my other child.....even when I could cheerfully roll over and pull the duvet over my head....You can do this , and we are all here for you...keep in touch xxxx

Kiki
30 Aug 2014

Ive just gone on here today for the first time - very very similar story to Broken re the girlfriend (i know she hit him too)  My son is 19 (20 in October) was the most loving kind funny lad - I like all Mums on here have cried and cried and almost feel like I'm mourning the son I once had.  Lately he has started punching walls and doors when I question him or try to mention help.  I am frighted to tell my husband of 29 years happy marriage about the abuse that gets hurled at me as he says he wants to 'knock his block off"  btw my husband is not a violent man and has never laid a hand on me and has been like myself a brilliant father and husband.  I have just witnessed an hour ago my son slamming the door as usual and walking up the path - turning back round spitting and calling me a C... (sorry about that)  He does not come from a violent home or a home where we have every permitted swearing etc.  As I am writing this I almost feel that I can't quite believe how all this has happened over the last year and how angry and abusive m dear son has become.  He has gambled and been overdrawn a few times and before I realised what was going on we cleared his overdraft and spent many times sitting down talking to him.  I am now just trying to decide the best course of action.  Like you all I kept blaming myself as some sort of bad mother and a failure but then when I sit quietly and reflect on everything I've done for him and all the love he has had I do know in my heart that I have been a good Mum - I do think I am beginning to ramble now but I just needed somewhere to go and see if I can get any help and advice from other people going through the same.  My heart goes out to all of you on here as I am now realising what lies ahead.  I am usually a strong person and I do realise that I have to stay well for the sake of my older son, husband, grandson and future grandson (due any day now) The only way I think I can ever help my dear son is for me to get help and stay strong if I can  - Just want to say thank you for listening and reading this and my heart goes out to all of you xxxxxxxx

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