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Can't cope much longer!

Posted by drivebunny on 9 November 2015.

I'm new to here and this is the first place I've been able to speak about me. My 50yr old fiance is alcohol dependent and about to go through a detox. I'm almost begging the nurses not to do it at home. I NEED him to go away and do it. Recently he has become very verbally abusive and it hurts so much. I have MS and the stress has put me into 2 relapses and I'm really struggling now. I feel like the past few months have been all about him and I've just been there, in the background holding everything together and taking his abuse. I loved this man so much we were getting married on 9th September but I had to cancel, I can't start out married life like this. I have absolutely no one to talk to and no one around me can point me in a direction where I can get help. He has nurses and counselors and I have myself. My family just say get rid, they've forgotten the amazing man behind the alcoholic. I'm just so lost and lonely and don't have a clue where to turn. How can it be possible to love someone so much yet hate them at the same time? I'm sorry for the essay, I'm just reaching out and hoping someone can help me. xx

Comments

Mrs M
17 Nov 2015

Hi drivebunny
I really feel for your situation.  I have a son with a drugs problem and felt that there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
If I could ever even slightly give you a little advise, find an AlAnon meeting support group to attend.  It will feel a bit strange to attend the first one, but after that, you will feel the help and support from all the other people who are going through and experiencing what you are going through will give you a new found strength to carry on.
My prayers are with you that you havent given up on the real man who is still there when the alcohol is'nt.
I also read a book recommended to me by a supportive Councillor and that really helped in changing my thoughts and actions.  Look on Amazon at Get your Loved Ones Sober.  This was such an insite.
I really hope you get through this tough time.  You really are not alone.
Mrs M

Mrs M
17 Nov 2015

Hi drivebunny
I really feel for your situation.  I have a son with a drugs problem and felt that there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
If I could ever even slightly give you a little advise, find an AlAnon meeting support group to attend.  It will feel a bit strange to attend the first one, but after that, you will feel the help and support from all the other people who are going through and experiencing what you are going through will give you a new found strength to carry on.
My prayers are with you that you havent given up on the real man who is still there when the alcohol is'nt.
I also read a book recommended to me by a supportive Councillor and that really helped in changing my thoughts and actions.  Look on Amazon at Get your Loved Ones Sober.  This was such an insite.
I really hope you get through this tough time.  You really are not alone.
Mrs M

LauraLou92
17 Dec 2015

Hi drivebunny hope your ok. I can relate to your situation. I have a mam whose in her 50's and alcohol dependant. I always find with my mam the support she gets from doctors, the alcohol place she attends is never enough and sometimes she will miss appointments ect but they persist giving her the treatment at home so can see where your coming from. Recently the finally gave her a weeks detox in hospital, she got out yesterday and was back on the drink today. I'm annoyed at her, annoyed at them as well. How can they think a week would ever be enough. If you ever need to chat i'm always here! I feel exactly the same.. i need some support from people in the same situation but all the support groups around me are when i'm at work. Get back in tpuch if you can :) laura xx

Icarus Trust
11 Jan 2016

Hi Drivebunny and Laura,
Really sorry that both of you are in such a difficult situation. You are not alone and there is help out there. The Icarus Trust is a charity that was set up to support people like yourselves, family and friends of addicts who are having to deal with the awful affects of a loved one's addiction. if you contact us you would be out in touch with one of our 'Family Friends'. These are experienced  trained volunteers who would understand what you  are having to cope with and may be able to help you by talking things through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Please contact us and I hope it will be some help to you both.

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