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cant take much more!!

Posted by Franticmum on 9 February 2014.

Hi again, im not sure how much more i can take. the last 17 yrs have been a nightmare, just when i really let my guard down and started to trust my son a little he has totally floored me this time, he was just seeming to get his life back on track, and its all happening again, he was discharged from hospital after having a near fatal blood clot, and is on a path to self destruction, he is on anti depressants, and a range of other medication, and im certain he is using again too, he is gaunt and unkempt, i saw him friday and he could hardly talk, slurring words and confused, i pleaded with him to let us take him back to the hospital but he became very angry and aggressive, stating he would live his life as he chooses and we could all go to hell, in the end my husband reluctantly left him at his flat, and now he has disappeared, no one has any idea where he is, one of my other sons has spent the day searching for him with no success, i just dont know what to do anymore, the police are not interested as they say he is an adult and not a danger to himself or others, how can they say this he has attempted suicide on 3 occasions the last time in december, once again he has my family in turmoil, my heart pounds every time the phone rings i cant eat sleep or do anything, i vowed a few years ago i wouldnt let him pull me down again, but what can i do, he is my son, throughout all these years i have had hope to keep me strong, hope that he will be able to turn his life around, but i think now all hope has gone, i cant see a way through this, there is no way forward, i know it is his choices what he does but how do the rest of us pick up the pieces and carry on, i cant stop crying and am scaring myself and my family, is this what it feels like to lose your mind, i really dont know what to do anymore

Comments

fifi65
10 Feb 2014

Thinking of you Sue, wish I could say or do something to help you.. don't be scared your not losing your mind, your just feeling every emotion a loving mother feels when her child is in danger... xxx

Franticmum
11 Feb 2014

thank you Fiona, i cant believe it has come to this, the hospital wouldnt section him because he was using heroin, they said the psycotic episodes were because of the drug, he discharged himself even though he could hardly walk, i thought i had gone through every kind of hell in the past but this has got to be the worse, maybe its because im older now and not in the best of health myself, i fear that the worse is yet to come.  I just hope i am strong enough to get through this time, thanks again for your kind words and i hope you are holding up ok, take care love Sue xxx

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