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Consumed

Posted by rosie-cheeks on 5 March 2013.

My boyfriend is 28 and I'm 21, I feel like I'm looking after a child. He has a heavy heroin addiction, something I've known about since the beginning of our relationship when he told me he was and had been in treatment for a while. Throughout the past year he's been in and out of treatment, and I've been through it with him as I wanted to help him get well. But now things have taken a turn for the worse and I don't know if I can cope.  We live together so I cannot escape it and my whole life seems to be consumed his drug abuse. I caught him shooting up in our house the other night when he thought i had gone to bed, i lost my temper and shouted because I had told him repeatedly that i was uncomfortable and did not want it in my home, but he ignored me and went ahead and did it anyway. He then blamed me for why he had done it. He refuses to take any responsibility for his actions. He's diabetic as well, so i get so scared that one day i will come home from work or uni and find him dead. I feel so alone, his parents pretend they don't know whats going on so i'm left to deal with it by myself and its affecting every part of my life. I don't feel like i can leave because i love him and he needs me. But the constant lies and manipulation, and mental abuse are too much to bare. I wish i could help him, i wish i had the person i met back, i wish he could see what he was doing.

Comments

enoughisenough
22 Mar 2013

Hi, rosie cheeks, Im the wife of a crack and heroin addict and sympathise with your situation, I wish I could tell you it gets better but it doesnt, the only way is out and I know thats not easy because Im still here. We've been together fourteen years and he was clean when I met him, I was 19, five children and several house moves later and Im stil dealing with the same stuff I was dealing with back then. Why do I stay? Well, the kids love him, he loves them and he has nothing or nobody because thats what addiction does to you even when its not you taking the drugs. Its lonely and selfish and grdy and dangerous. I hope your situation improves and that your boyfriend realises what hes likely to lose but dont hang around too long hoping this is going to happen because it is very unlikely and you'll look back as Im doing and feel so sad at all the lost years. This is not your fault and never was. My Dad one told me you'll never bring someone up to your standard they will only bring you down and its the truest thing Ive ever been told. With love rosie cheeks n if you ever need to talk to someone who understands just drop me a line x

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