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Coping with stopping enabling my son

Posted by cmd on 23 August 2014.

My son is 31 and after many years of 'helping ' him through problems and crises, including major depression, suicide attempts and debts of all kinds I have had to admit he has serious addiction problems. After a very bad year last year I agreed that he stay with me until he got back on his feet on the condition that there could be no drugs here. For many years I was unaware of his drug use but became aware at that time that he had had problems for years. Last year it was heroin. He consented to therapy then after a hospital admission following a near fatal suicide attempt but after a while wouldn't continue. Two days ago I found drugs in his room and asked him to leave. he left very quietly - he has never been belligerent or angry. I have been seeing a therapist myself since the events of last year that shook me to the very core and that has been a great help. It has given me the strength to stop enabling him and a safe place to talk about how I feel. I no longer feel responsible and fully recognise only he can help himself. Having said all this, since he left I am so sad - on the one hand not knowing whether I will ever see him again - and I love him so much, and on the other fearing that he will ask to come back or get into a really bad state. There is a hole in my heart a million miles deep.

Comments

Icarus_Trust
31 Aug 2014

Wow, you have been so strong. Doing the best for him must've been the hardest thing you have ever done. The Icarus Trust is a charity which provides support to anyone and everyone affected by addiction. Please do contact them on info@icarustrust.org or www.icarustrust.co.uk so you can have someone else to speak to. I really hope things pan out and you see him again soon, and sober.

cmd
9 Sep 2014

Being strong might be a start but it isn't enough. My son has tried three times to kill himself since I posted. His drug use comes from a serious underlying condition it now seems and he is now in hospital under a section. He is likely to be discharged within two weeks to a waiting list for treatment. It may be my choice to have him back with me or let him be homeless. No words will express how I am feeling.

cmd
9 Sep 2014

Being strong might be a start but it isn't enough. My son has tried three times to kill himself since I posted. His drug use comes from a serious underlying condition it now seems and he is now in hospital under a section. He is likely to be discharged within two weeks to a waiting list for treatment. It may be my choice to have him back with me or let him be homeless. No words will express how I am feeling.

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