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COUNTDOWN.....

Posted by CANT TAKE NO MORE on 1 April 2014.

I have knots in my stomach as I know tomorrow is D Day...My son will he going to court for breach of tag......half of me is hoping they will see he isnt a bad lad, and the other half is hoping he gets sentenced, so has time to look at what his life has become.... Im not delusional, and I know he could get out and go back, but for the time being I have to remain positive. I will not be going to court and I will not be visiting him..he knows this. I will also be writing him a very frank and honest letter..how sad do I sound!!! Ive come to terms that its down to him, and I WILL be there when he wants the changes to make his life better...until that day he is on his own!!!

Comments

fifi65
1 Apr 2014

Thinking of you Susie, whatever happens tomorrow I hope your son realises the hurt he is causing you and your family, and makes them changes xxx

Franticmum
2 Apr 2014

keep strong Susie love, will pray that whatever the outcome it will have a positive impact on your son. You sound that like me you have reached the point where you are coming to terms with the fact that your son has got to be responsible for his own actions, I have also laid some ground rules that need to be followed for me to have any sort of relationship with my son and the biggest is of course he must be clean of ALL drugs, at the moment he is unable to do this, and although its has tore me apart I am so determined to keep a distance from him, We have tried for many many years to help him only to have him abuse our help, so this time it is definitely true tough love. there is still a huge part of me that worries that he will not get through this time but if that is the case it is his choice, I refuse to be a part of his addiction any more. Sorry ive rambled on about myself again but I hope that with the help of the lovely people on this site we all will become stronger and be able to find some peace of mind. 
Stay strong ladies we can get through this
love and big hugs
Sue Xxxxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
2 Apr 2014

Hadn't seen my son since Saturday when he went off to see his child ( his ex agreed to him seeing his child)....Well blow me over he has been with her ever since and went to court today only for it be adjourned...She rang me this morning saying he needed some clean clothes and she was going with him to court...She also told me that the shit heads he hangs out with came to her door for him on Saturday night and he told them he was done......Im amazed!!! And wonder how long it will last but for the time being we have a chink of light....His case was adjourned till the end of the month so we have 4 weeks to see....I cant believe im saying this but she sure is one strong girl.......she has told him its his last chance and then she is done......Hope against hope it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sad and tired
3 Apr 2014

fingers crossed for you  xxxx

fifi65
3 Apr 2014

Aw Susie thats great!! Im glad he is getting another chance : ) you must be feeling so relieved and apprehensive at the same time, hold on to that light, one day at a time as thet say xx

Franticmum
4 Apr 2014

Susie thats really great news, i truly hope it works out for you all, keep strong and positive and as Fiona says one day at a time take care love, 
Sue Xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
4 Apr 2014

He has been very ill coming down.......just got off the phone from his ex, and the drug buddys have been on at him to go out for the weekend.......we have already decided that he and his son would come to us for the weekend to try and keep him occupied....I really hope against hope he does the right thing and chooses his son......will let you know

CANT TAKE NO MORE
6 Apr 2014

He spend all day with his son Saturday , dropped him off then the preverbial hit the fan....He went out with a "friend" (urgh) got drunk, took some mcat and other rubbish, smashed a friends tv up, then went into town and was seen with no trousers on.....off  his head! Ringing demanding money........he is a pathetic excuse of a human... Im so angry, because once again he has  done it.....He is at his exes as we speak, and has calmed down so she says, but what else can he do to mess his life up....He called me a F***** B**** and do you know what, at that point, I knew, everything I do and have done for him is all for nothing....He is selfish, conceited, a liar, a thief, and more...I really am beginning to hate the person he has become, the effect it has on my family and extended family..sorry for rambling but I think Im going to explode with rage.......and through all this my little one has to put up with an anxious parent.....how unfair is that???????????? Roll on 3 weeks when he goes back to court...lets hope they lock him up, then we can all get a bit of peace....

sad and tired
6 Apr 2014

I am so sorry, and sad to say I can relate to everything you have said.  No help I know but I am going through the same thing.  My son now has lost his car insurance, has the court chasing him for unpaid fines, and has just about lost his job.  He lays in bed all the time he is here and I am sick of it.  I even told him I wished I had never given birth to him, I am so sick of his verbal abuse, debts and lies....I hate what he has become and am so ashamed of what he is.  I am leaving him to it now, I cannot do anymore but of course it is all my fault.......

sad and tired
6 Apr 2014

I am so sorry, and sad to say I can relate to everything you have said.  No help I know but I am going through the same thing.  My son now has lost his car insurance, has the court chasing him for unpaid fines, and has just about lost his job.  He lays in bed all the time he is here and I am sick of it.  I even told him I wished I had never given birth to him, I am so sick of his verbal abuse, debts and lies....I hate what he has become and am so ashamed of what he is.  I am leaving him to it now, I cannot do anymore but of course it is all my fault.......

fifi65
6 Apr 2014

Aw Susie what can you do!!! thats how quick your world can change, its horrible to have that bit of hope snatched away once again :(  stay strong hun xxx

Franticmum
6 Apr 2014

Susie my love, its this that is wearing me down you get a glimmer of hope and try to cling on to it then in a blink of an eye its gone, will they ever stop being selfish? somehow it doesnt seem so, my lad is in hospital yet again, after having a lovely weekend lots of cuddles with my 6 wk old granddaughter, got a call from a sister at the hospital saying he had been rushed in again seems he took a 'bad' dose of heroin, after weeks of no contact he expected us to go rushing to his side, well not this time, im just furious, if he choses to inject that s**t ( excuse the language) he has got to face the consequences i will not be a part of his drug riddled life any more, think I shocked the nurse a bit although im sure she has seen and heard it all before.
At this moment of time im so angry, and sad and tired I have on many occasions thought what life would have been like if he hadnt been born, all the good times we shared through his childhood have been wiped out by the suffering he has caused.
Well ladies we must must keep strong and accept that if they dont want to change we cant do it for them, but dont let them drag us down, its so good to have you all in my life although we dont know each other we understand the emotional rollercoster that all our lives are, take care lovely ladies I feel so much stronger tonight and you all must take some of the credit, I hope you all have a peaceful night and tomorrow is another day ;-) night night to you all you are all included in my prayers
love and hugs Sue Xxxxx

fifi65
6 Apr 2014

Good for you Sue!!! It must of been hard for you but you did'nt let him take control.. It is one big torturious roller coaster we're all on but we can't bloody scream, it says  inside :(  One day we should all meet up in Blackpool go on the big one and scream our bloody heads off xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
7 Apr 2014

Ah ladies, my nerves are all over the place, i get a feeling only a mother gets, and know when something is wrong, and Saturday, all day was when that feeling re visited its ugly head!!! He bought his son and stepson back here last night, still coming down from his sh**..We went mad, and took them straight back.....I can really empathise with what some of you mums have said regarding wishing they hadnt been born ......I worked hard all my life, taught him right from wrong, a child couldnt have been loved more, and his step dad and I have ALWAYS been there for him....YOU LADIES, give me the strength to continue....I would love to tell him how he has changed our family, but will leave that for my letter I will write when he goes to prison.....I am going to put it all on paper warts and all.....what he does with that information is up to him, but I will not have him back in my house UNTIL he is clean..... Ladies I pray we all have a week where we can cope......luv to you all xxxxx oh and thankyou xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
7 Apr 2014

Sue n fiona, sad and tired....you ladies are remarkable........Sue, perhaps this will be his wake up call..no mum coming to his aid.......Fiona, perhaps whilst your son is in prison he has time to think and gets that wake up call, sad and tired, you stay strong hunni......xxxxxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
7 Apr 2014

Sue n fiona, sad and tired....you ladies are remarkable........Sue, perhaps this will be his wake up call..no mum coming to his aid.......Fiona, perhaps whilst your son is in prison he has time to think and gets that wake up call, sad and tired, you stay strong hunni......xxxxxxx

sad and tired
7 Apr 2014

it really hurt me to say I should not have given birth to him and I am sure you all know that, I love him but am tired of it all.  My live which should be peaceful and stable now if full of worry and uncertainty.  I cannot make him see what he is doing to his life let alone mine and would he care, no he wouldn't.  I feel like I am banging my head against a wall when I talk to him, he just doesn't get it........

CANT TAKE NO MORE
7 Apr 2014

We know you don't mean it, and im sure that black hole of despair visits us all from time to time..... What we don't have to do is put up with their rubbish.....its a  life I knew nothing about, didn't want...but police, courts, drugs, is in my life now....and I want rid of it!!!!!Which is why I am learning to detatch myself from my son.....

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