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cycle of change for a person whose parent is doing drugs

Posted by stop, play, pause on 24 July 2010.

My life was great, friends, family, school, dog and more. We were normal family however relative that can be. I never went without anything that I needed. As I rolled on with my life, my parents’ life became quite different to mine. There were parties, music, dances and eventually drugs. First it was weed and then one day I woke up both from my defiance and sleep and found out that it was something much more serious. My parents were doing coke and other drugs. I never saw it because I know they didn't want me too. It was never done at my house but it was there...and I knew all about it...No one knew that I knew...No one ever knew for 3 years. Who could I tell? I loved my parents more than anything and I would never be OK with even the slightest chance of being separated from them. They were everything I had and still are. I could always turn to them for anything so this was just my turn for them to rely on me.  I lived with this secret, I don't know how I did it but I did.  My friends never knew, my school did not have a clue and none of it was true. The only other living thing that knew everything I had inside was my dog. It may sound sad but that dog probably kept me with my family. I could tell him anything and he just sat there and looked at me and licked me and slept with me every night. The nights were the worst because I did not know where my parent was. I would ring and no one would answer. I worried that they would get caught and go to prison. My parent sometimes didn't come home for days but at least they always came home in the end. It was hard, they almost died, I can not forget it. All pale, sleepy and blue but laughing at the same time from the drugs. It was OK they slept and woke again and then one day it STOPPED. Who knows why? Perhaps I do but I can never know something that was not really known to begin with. I only know that my parent fell in love with someone else. They took care of her, never judged her, listened, understood and accepted. My parents became present in every way. I could sleep at night with the dog knowing that everyone is safe and nothing would hurt us any more. I was made lunch and dinner and taken out for days on the beach. It was all better and still is...We became a new family and it was always safe. It was just the three of us and a dog, in a new home with a new life. We didn't argue too much but we also never spoke. So in my mind it never went away and the fear of a relapse stayed too. I never had to face it until. I learned so much and still do everyday. Perhaps denial was not the best approach back then but for me it was the only one. Now I can take the time and reflect and forget. I found peace and I am not worried and the most important thing is we are still all safe and together.

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