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Depression or Alcoholism???

Posted by miniatureone on 20 June 2016.

I have a wonderful partner, we've been together for 3 years. He has always liked a drink but on more than one occasion he has been violent & aggressive towards me, my children & our friends.  He is always so upset the next day, apologising etc.  He blames these outbursts on his "depression".  He takes antidepressants, prescribed by his GP.  My question is, does he drink because he's depressed or is he depressed because he drinks?  His memory is awful, his personal hygiene is terrible. He goes for days sometimes without eating.  I don't know what to do


3 Jul 2016

Hi. It's a case of what came first the chicken or the egg. Depression can lead people to drink and drinking can lead to depression. 
I'm 2 years further down the road than you it seems. The tablets won't work if he's drinking as alcohol is a depressant so it cancels out the benefits of the tablets.  The memory is probably the alcohol, mine drinks in secret and binge drinks to the point of passing out. Always very sorry after...I'll stop...It won't happen again. For your own sake, speak to your gp. I have made the mistake of going it alone. I'm hoo ashamed, my family would tell me to leave but I can't. She has no one and she's not safe on her own anymore. I'm stuck. Her family have turned her back on her. Educate yourself on different stages of alcoholism. If you plan to stand by him, you need to understand what you're letting yourself in for.  And please. Please don't fool yourself thinking it's not that bad or he'll wake up one day and it'll all be better. Get as much help and support as you can

Icarus Trust
6 Jul 2016

It sounds as if you might like to have someone you could talk with who would understand what you are dealing with. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports the friends and families of people with addictive behaviours  because we know how hard it is. Maybe talking to one of our trained volunteers would help you to see a way ahead for yourself and your children and signpost you to what help might be out there for your partner.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I hope that you can find some help for yourself as well as your partner.

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