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despair with an older brother

Posted by spinzle on 2 February 2013.

for 30+ years my older brother has been an addict.  To drugs or alcohol or both.  He can't hold down a job or a relationship and even his own daughter doens't want to know him.  My mum is in her 70's and find this so difficult, she is convinced it's something she did wrong.  but I'm not an addict - have never even smoked a joint!  Right now my brother is in a mutually abusive relationship.  I've just paid £3,000 for damage to a private rental property where I was the guarantor - they smashed doors and windows.  This week was the last straw for me.  At 1.14am his crazy bird rang.  i didn't answer so she rang my mum.  My brother had been ranting and shouting for several hours ended up threatening to kill the crazy bird.  He staggered out of his flat and disappeared.  We now know that he got 200m down a track where he collapsed and spent the night unconscious in a gateway.   He had drunk a box of wine, numerous cans and taken loads of tramadol and amyltriptiline - he's not registered with a Dr so we assume he got these from an alternative source.  After 2 days in hospital with hypothermia, we picked him up last night.  He was vile and abusive.  And has refused any treatment or support from the hospital.   I want to have nothing more to do with him because I don't like him very much at the moment.  But he's my only brother.  I buy him food because I don't want to give him money.  But I think now the time has come to let him sink or swim.  I won't buy him any more food but am scared as to what the future holds for him.  And for me because all this is making my mum ill.


Final chance
2 Nov 2013

Hi Spinzle, keep strong and reassure your mum she did nothing wrong with your brother, you are the evidence for this.  I hope your brother leaves the abusive relationship he is in and changes his ways for the kind good people in his life.

10 Jun 2016

Thank you for sharing your story.

It seems there are few services and research done considering the experience of family members, in particular siblings. That is why I am conducting a research project looking at the narratives of siblings, encouraging others like you to share their experiences. If you wish to participate and share your story or would like more information please contact me at Thank you.

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