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Desperate mother

Posted by Nessie on 29 March 2013.

Today he grabs me , today he pushes me.  Today I realise I have  lost my son to drugs! I can't stop crying I feel so ill, my hearts is broken.  I feel he's died .... I relive his funeral I relive his death.  I feel alone . My husband is angry, we argue it's breaking us up!  I'm desperate and hopeless there's nothing I can do.   

I have to live on for my family and friends. Maybe tomorrow he' ll see the light and once we both regain our life.

I want him back I want him safe I want to be me again. To see him laugh, to see him not grey, to see him clean.  To hear his voice not full of abuse, to hear him say I Love u without disgrace. I love my son !

Comments

God'sJoy
30 Mar 2013

It is so easy to hear the hurt and desperation and cries for help in your words! I can't make your hurt go away, I can't bring your son back, I can't make him clean and I can't make him laugh but I will make a point of saying a prayers for you as I lay down to sleep tonite. If you don't mind me asking... did ur son die? Or are you just full of anger that the person he was before addiction is dead? The son you once knew?
I have read and re-read your words... such strong words... and still I can't tell if you are just angry with him for his addiction or angry because he is passed on! 
I want to say somethings... You are a very strong woman and I do feel (by reading your post) you can handle what life has thrown at you. It's never easy... losing a loved one to addiction! What worries you once had seem so small compared to what your worries revolve around when someone you love become an addict! It's an awful thing that affects every family somehow or another. If a family is lucky enough to not have an addict in their life then I can guarantee they have someone in their lives that are 'dealers'. Drugs! What was the need for all these drugs that seem to take over our world? 
I want you to know that I am truly so very sry for the affects that addiction has had in your life . 
I don't really know how many people on here know the number one fact about addiction... so I always make sure it is mentioned in the posts that I reply too. Addiction is a disease! A disease that comes into the body by a person choices that they make but still a disease. It is a disease which has NO cure! Once someone becomes an addict they will be an addict till the day they die. Same as an alcoholic. Addicts can make their life good and can get control of themselves once again and stay off them the rest of their life but they are still an addict. It would only take 1 time using for an addicts mind to trigger a complete loss of control and start using daily again. Becoming clean is a long and painful thing for addicts and those who want them to get better. Some addicts might get clean for months and years then with just the blink of an eye they fall from sobriety and have to start all from scratch again. 
Please rest as easy as you can tonite. It is hard! I don't even need anybody to tell me what they are going through for me to know they are fighting against the devil himself when drugs are involved! Hope to hear from you again! Feel free to respond as your heart sees fit! I'm no stranger to anger, hurt, rage, fear, etc. I will be here for you as long as you need me! If you'd rather me not answer your posts feel free to let me know and I will leave you to yourself. This website is based around families who want to share their stories ! Sometimes it helps just to get all the feelings that are bottled up inside out! God bless and I will be praying for you and your family!

A Parent with hope
23 Jun 2013

reading your blog was like a reflection of mine. My heart goes out to you. I can empathise with your story, one mother to another. I love my son so much too and sometimes except that his already dead to prepare myself for that call. stay strong you have managed it to date & you will continue because you love him so much. Something I read today 'where there is life there is hope' hope that one day they will stop. That keeps me going x

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