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Don't know where to start

Posted by Franticmum on 24 December 2013.

My son is now 34' he started smoking cannabis aged about 17 he then became a heroin addict (it's so hard just to write this) for 3 or so years we as a family tried to help him, which included going to support groups with him to locking him in his room ( with no success he just jumped out of the window) he would be clean for a few weeks then start using again, he stole from me my elderly mum and even resorted to taking his young brothers toys to sell for a fix, eventually I could take no more and told him to go to his so called friends and leave us alone, he replayed me by breaking into my house and stealing several very sentimental and valuable items he also burgled some of our neighbours was caught and sent to prison, I vowed then I would never let him hurt me again, and wrote to him telling him that although I loved him dearly I wanted nothing to do with him whilst he was using. An now comes the hardest part,about 4 years ago my son made contact through a family member and told me he had sought help and was now clean and just taking prescribed methadone and promised he would continue with the programme until he was off that too, he got himself a flat, and gradually we let him back into our lives, a fairy tale ending ? How I wished, 6 months ago things started going wrong at times he became withdrawn n secretive, last month I found out he was using heroin again and my world fell apart, he said it was a one off I told him it was either family or drugs he chose drugs, I feel totally shell shocked how can he do this to us again? I don't know why I'm writing this but I feel so alone and heartbroken and don't know what to do now

Comments

GillyB
30 Dec 2013

Hi, just read your full post after you answered mine.  I read and wept for you. Guess you can love them, but not like them much, I think writing it down does help, I'm starting a journal, even if it is just for me.  Make plans, look forward, sounds like you did all you could.
G.

Franticmum
30 Dec 2013

Hi thanks for replying, what's so hard that he was a lovely blue eyed blonde haired little boy, as a teen people used to comment about how polite n well mannered he was, what went wrong? I've absolutely no idea, he left school got a job he enjoyed, then his behaviour became strange, mood swings secretive, he admitted to smoking cannabis occasionally, I have asked him repeatedly what changed but have never to this day had a proper answer, then came all the lies n stealing small amounts of money, he lost his job through bad timekeeping, we didn't find this out till much later, I guess I was very naive then but not now, I still love my son so much it hurts but I hate him at the same time, all I wish for this new year is peace and a break from all the stress  and I know I cannot achieve this without being strong and putting my own needs before his, thank you again for replying, be strong and follow your gut instincts x

Worn out
27 Jan 2014

I so feel for you, I have been going through the same situation, it is so hard to see your beautiful boy destroy themselves. I don't know how to keep strong, but trying to find the acceptance that this is their choice and it is nothing that you have done. We have tried to help our son for the last three years, I thought that when we found out I could fix it, how naive I was then, it doesn't matter at all how you feel they have to do it for themselves and I really am sad to say for my son I think it is far too difficult I just hope one day he proves me wrong. Try and stay strong you ate not alone. X

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