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dont no which way to turn

Posted by janeyj47 on 16 April 2014.

I posted earlier today regarding my 29 year old drug addict son and I feel as though things have come to the end of the line. I cannot keep going through this with him anymore. I am working full time as I have to pay the rent to keep a roof over our heads. I go into work and my head is all over the place. Nobody knows my problem with my son as I only moved to this area 5 years ago and although I have good friends at work I don't really mix with any of them out of work. This is because of the problems with my son. I am not coping at work and am finding it harder and harder. I dread going home after work. I no my doctor would sign me off work if I asked for it as I have told him my problems but I have been trying for it not to happen. Does anyone have any ideas?. I have been in touch with the domestic violence help line and they told me I could be put into a safe house somewhere. I would have to give up my job. Claim housing benefit to be paid for my flat for 2 weeks. Then I would have to clear my flat and put my things in storage and then claim housing benefit to be paid for my hostel/safehouse. I just don't feel in the right frame of mind to be able to deal with all this. I have no money for vans to move my things let alone pay for storage. I also don't drive or have anyone who could do all this for me. And then my biggest problem. My son would be made homeless. He wouldn't get any help from anyone. Could I do that to him!!

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
16 Apr 2014

Janey......my heart goes out to you.... I felt embarrassed and like a lepor initially with my son....then anger at what he was putting us through...Then I grew some balls and reclaimed my home back....We have done everything for my son, had 4 years of all the crap....Dont get me wrong I love him, but I got very tired of it all...made me depressed, not able to communicate properly, taking things out on other members of my family....well not any more...My son can only come to our home and stay IF he isnt on any form of drug..thats the deal...if he does turn up  out his head then we ask him to leave...You need to have a little bit of trust in one of your work mates...someone who you can turn to..believe me they will know something isnt right.....you have nothing to loose..take the bull by the horn and if possible let someone in to your world....I have many close friends but only one who knows my world....I know its hard but whilst you are letting him live with you and drag you down, you are enabling him to continue to do drugs....and in turn are making yourself ill.....What would happen if you kicked him out..he would then have to see what life is really like...not many 29 year old men still live at home....Janey, reclaim your home and life....its hard, and as mothers all we want to do is protect our kids, but its THEIR choice to do drugs...so they must face the consequences of their life...My son will shortly be going to prison for breach of tag...I cant wait..afew months peace...but he knows we will support him all the way IF AND WHEN he wants to get help......And Janey, if he wasnt a drug addict, do yuo think he would treat you the way he is doing??? I doubt it very much.... Alternatively if its possible set some ground rules....what you expect from him....you know him better than anyone...I hope things get better for you and are more manageable, but since we set the ground rules, our home isnt a war zone on a daily basis....and I can sleep better.....

janeyj47
17 Apr 2014

Thank you for your kind words. I no what I should do but he has turned into such a monster. Last night he smashed a hole in my living room wall in temper. Tonight yet again he has kicked off. He got his dole money today and just came in for the £60 he gave me earlier. So by the end of tonight all his dole money will be gone. My son has no shame. He will come into my work and make a scene, I have managed to avoid it so far, or smash things in my flat. I actually fear him at the moment and he is getting worse these past few weeks. I could call the police and get him arrested but he will just keep coming back. My landlady has a shop under my flat and she wont have all this going on. It is not fair on her. I can leave and go and stay with a friend. My doctor would sign me off sick. I have been hoping that it wouldn't come to this but I really cant take much more

CANT TAKE NO MORE
18 Apr 2014

There is no shame in taking some sick time .. Get yourself to the doctors, then get off to your friends....Your health and safety are whats important....it sounds like you dont have any other option...Personally, because your feeling scared, aand worried how he will react, I think taking yourself out of the situation is the best thing...And dont tell him either!!!!!!

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