We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
Sign in to make comments and contribute your own stories. Or click here to register if you've never used the blog before.
Hi , you are currently signed in to the blog.
Want to find a support group? Enter your postcode or town below to find a support group near you.
ENABLING VS HELPING
Posted by Susan on 17 September 2014.
This is something I have had to struggle with for years before I realised that I was not helping my son at all, and in some ways, I was actually enabling him. I wrote this last year and I hope it will help some you out there! I am stronger now and stopped enabling my son, who know lives in supported housing and no longer at home. "It has been a word on my mind for a while...ENABLING. I am now hearing that word in my mind a lot more loud and clear. YES, I have enabled my son's drug addiction and therefore poorer mental health, to continue over the years. http://thecyn.com/drug-addiction/enabling-behavior/ I thought I was kind, liberal, supportive, understanding, peace maker etc.....well, yes to a certain extent I was and still am, but now I know that some of my behaviours especially in regard to be understanding and keeping the peace in our house, was actually ENABLING. In this link below on alcoholism "Enabling-When 'Helping' Doesn't Really Help" it speaks of a relationship with an alcoholic, yet it fits for any addictive or dysfunctional behaviour. I could completely relate to what the enabler does, and yes, I am guilty. Especially when I answered the 12 questions "to help you decide whether or not your actions and reactions to the 'alcoholic' might be enabling"!! The out come of those 12 questions...ready? "You answered 9 items out of 12 Yes. Your score is 75%. If you answered Yes to any of these questions you may have enabled the alcoholic or addict to avoid the consequences of his or her own actions. http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm Time to start facing up to the consequences of your own actions my son, I am going to as well. Funny thing is, I was at first almost ashamed to admit it to myself that I was an enabler, and felt guilt and disappointment in myself. Now, the more I think about it and read about it and own up to it, the less my feelings of frustration, anger and resentment are. This is because, although my enabling my son, under a rosy coloured blanket of presumed "help" of course, was actually harming him and the entire family, it is something that I have the power to overcome and change...and that is most definitely a good thing, a very good thing!"
You must be signed in to comment. To sign in, use the form to the right, or click here to register if you've never used the blog before.