We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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Everyone will be able to relate to this... Long post!
Posted by KF141 on 17 September 2015.
My fiancé is a heroin addict trying his hardest to get clean, we have been together 10 years on and off and have a beautiful 5 year old boy. My fiancé has my full support but he knows he is on his final chance, I am proud of how far he has come and he is currently seeking support through his doctor, drug counsellor with regular meetings. I wanted to share with you all a letter I wrote to my fiancé... Every word is so true and it really made him realise how his addiction affected others, my fiancé had tears rolling down his cheeks reading this, which for him is very rare as he never cries so it must of hit home. I figured if it helped him it might just help others out there understand how an addiction affects people around them not just themself. Dear Addiction.... I have been bottling up some feelings for quite sometime and I need to get them out. I hate you! I absolutely despise and hate what you have done to the man I love. I hate what you have done to the person I used to be! I want my fiancé back. I ant myself back. I want my life back. I want my TRUST back and it's not fair you have robbed these things from me. At first you made him feel good and took some of his pain away- physically and mentally, but now you are the sole cause of all the pain he feels, including mine. I want you to leave and give me back the man I fell in love with. I want the man that would make me laugh and the man that was so thoughtful of himself and others and who worked really hard back. Instead the past few years you have made my life miserable. You made the man who wouldn't dream of hurting me lie, steal and deceive me. I don't know this man anymore and I don't like the man you left me with. Addiction, there have been many things that you have done that have really hurt me, first off the lying... I know when you are around and you try to hide inside 'S', telling him to lie to me and tell stories to me that I want to believe because I love him. I want to believe that you are not around so I am duped and sometimes I do things that not only hurt 'S', but hurt me too. You have made me give money that I need to spend on important things like debts that you have made. You have even made 'S' steal from myself and his family and even when I caught 'S' you still made him lie to me and because I love him, I believed him. Not only is there lying but there is the deceit. You decieved me in many ways. You made 'S' embarrass me when we had family functions/big events to go to, to the point where I would make 'S' stay at home and I would go alone to save me from having to explain why he looked so dopey. I look back now and realise that 'S' would rather be alone because his love for you... Heroin exceeds his love for me, in turn I deceived my family and the people I really care about because I had to make up stories about why 'S' didn't come with me and every time I did that it was so he could be alone with you because you don't like it when I am around because I can see right through you and I ruin your good time together.... I just don't always let you know that I know you are around, because sometimes I just don't have the energy to fight. You are not only hurting me, you are hurting my family and the people I care about most and who would do anything for me and 'S'. You have ruined some special events in my life, some special moments with some of the most important people in my life because you make 'S' sit there like a zombie while I have to make excuses about how he doesn't feel well or is tired. But you did not hold me back those days! Through the tears, upset and hurt I still have wonderful memories of those days because I wouldn't let you get me diwn too much and I will continue to have good times in my life and I will stop letting you ruin everything for me. You robbed me of those things that belonged to me. You took a lot of presents that should of been mine and although they are only material things, I deserved them. You are taking my future of a husband and a family away from me. You are taking my idea of happiness with the only man I have ever loved away from me. You have robbed 'S' of his spirit and his zest because you are controlling all of his actions. I just wish with all my heart he had never tried you! You have destroyed every single piece of his life! You have turned a handsome, gorgeous good looking guy into a pale, drawn in face person who looks twice his age. I look at him from photos before he started using you and he is unrecognisable. When he doesn't have you, life is great! I long for some normality in my life. I can never just give 'S' money, I can never go out on my own for fear of him relapsing. Not only have you destroyed just about everything in our relationship, you are destroying 'S' health. I worry about his health all the time. I worry when he doesn't answer his phone, that his body has packed in from all the drug use. I worry about coming home with our son to find 'S' lifeless body lying in bed dead because of you heroin. I used to be so strong and I have overcome many challenges and hard times in life from my mum and dad splitting up from a broken marriage through my dads alcohol addiction. I watched as a child my mother battle cancer, which was distressing and painful, and the recent passing of my dad, my hero my best friend but I have came out of all that a stronger person and believed that life was good and there was still happiness to be found but now I feel like you are winning and I am getting tired and hurt watching fm you take things that I deserve away from me! I am tired of waiting for the good times to outweigh the bad times, because the past few years have been filled with nothing but bad times. My depression was caused by you! My loneliness and feelings of isolation are because of you! When you and 'S' are together I have no one to talk to as family and friends I have are sick and tired hearing the same old story again! I resent you, addiction and what you have done to mine and 'S' lives. I envy and I am jealous about the relationship fm you have with the one and only man I've ever loved. 'S' is so much better than you but you are making him believe that he needs you. But I don't need you, I am tired of feeding and supporting you by protecting 'S'. I can't support you in my life anymore. Heroin/ Valium you need to get the F*** out my life! I am allowing you to keep the strong woman that I used to be away from the world. When you are around you make me a controlling, suspicious, doubtful person who is always playing detective. I do not like who I am when you are around. You give me anxiety and your making my life miserable. You make me not want to be around 'S' anymore. Subconsciously I let you control my thoughts the way you control 'S' thoughts. Addiction I cannot continue to let you control me like this! I am not the one with the addiction yet I am the one suffering terribly! 'S' feels nothing! You make him feel nothing and turn him into this horrible, selfish, manipulating person. Addiction affects everyone but I am ready to let go of you and if that means letting go of 'S' then I have to do what is right for me and our son... Because I have tried to do what I thought was right for him but 'S' doesn't see this because you are poisoning his brain. In 'S' eyes everything is my fault when he has had you... Nothing is his fault! I am done with you addiction! I know that if 'S' chooses to leave you that you may be lurking trying to win him over but I can't let myself be 2nd choice anymore. I can't keep trying to control you... I am fighting a loosing battle. I need to stop caring about you and start caring about me and our family. Again sorry this post is so long but this letter above seemed to give my fiancé a shake and realise the things that are important in his life and well I just had to share as every single word is true... Addiction affects everyone not just the addict!
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