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Feeling powerless.

Posted by NKA94 on 25 March 2016.

I'm 21 years old and for as long as I can remember, my mum has had a problem with alcohol. It's hard to pinpoint an exact age or moment in time when I realised that her behaviour wasn't normal, but it's been an ongoing worry for the majority of my childhood and now my adult life too. I have taken so long to admit that she is alcohol dependent because I always believed alcoholics were people who drink as soon as they wake up, and who drink strong spirits. My mum however, only gets drunk in the evening, and only drinks wine. The reality is that for as long as I remember my mum has been drinking two to three bottles of wine every night. She used to do it when she was married to my dad, and now that they are divorced she has continued to do it. She promised she would change, but i've now realised that she cannot stop drinking on her own and that she has a serious problem. Alcohol changes her as a person- makes her more impatient, more nasty and she forgets most of the conversations we have in the evenings. She has a well respected job and I'm petrified she'll lose it because of her alcoholism. In fact i'm surprised it hasn't already affected her job-I am thankful every day that she is still working. My dad won't help us and I don't know what to do. Her drinking has caused so much damage and heartbreak to our family. I tried giving her an ultimatum but even the threat of losing her daughter wasn't enough to help her stop. I honestly don't know what to do.  I have a brother and a sister and we've all tried to help her but she won't admit to herself that she has a problem- she compulsively lies about it to her friends and family. We're all hurting so much and we feel so powerless. What can we do to help her move past this before it's too late and it affects her long term health?

Comments

Icarus Trust
21 Apr 2016

Hi
I'm so sorry to read about how your mum's drinking is affecting you. It makes it harder because she doesn't admit that she has a problem. I work for a charity called The Icarus trust. We support the friends and families of people with addictions  because we know how difficult it is. If you would like to talk to someone who would understand what you are dealing with, please contact us and we could put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are experienced trained volunteers who you could talk with and it may help you to find a way ahead. This is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

AY18
13 Jul 2016

Hi. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm 20 years old and in a very similar position myself. I'm watching my family life fall apart before my eyes due to my mothers alcoholism. I feel like I have no control over my life. 
I feel as though I cannot deal with it any longer. How do you stay strong?

AY18
13 Jul 2016

Hi. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm 20 years old and in a very similar position myself. I'm watching my family life fall apart before my eyes due to my mothers alcoholism. I feel like I have no control over my life. 
I feel as though I cannot deal with it any longer. How do you stay strong?

sianny25
29 Jan 2017

Hey, I know this a bit later reply... but I've recently posted about my mum.. I have the same with her too!! Im 25 now! Its like they don't care about us, they don't care if they lose us and its heart breaking for us... its like we cant do anything at all! and nobody offers them help until they admit it. its just comforting to know youre not the only one going through it

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