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Posted by sad and tired on 27 June 2014.

Well I am trying tough love on my son. He doesn't live with me now. He has lost his job, soon to lose his car, doesn't seem to care!! I feel very sad and worried, his sister tried to call him, I have tried and he doesn't answer his phone. He was staying with someone who has now kicked him out so I am not even sure where he is.......I don't know where all this will end, he is not my son anymore, he only contacts me when he wants something........I have no choice but to stay strong but sometimes it is so hard not to break down and ask him back. I know I can't though I will only bring the nightmare back into my home.

Comments

concerned mum
28 Jun 2014

Hi,,,I have nt posted for a while but I still read through the posts...I just wanted to say I fully understand how your feeling ....I m sorry I cant offer any advice as I too dont know what to do half of the time,,,Stay strong my thoughts are with you...I share your nightmares...good luck xx

sad and tired
28 Jun 2014

Thank you, it's not good to know there are lots of parents going through this but knowing there are people who understand what I am feeling helps in a way. I want this to leave my life, I want my son back. For the first time there is really nothing I can do to ease the situation.

CANT TAKE NO MORE
28 Jun 2014

Hi Ladies, just checked in to see how we are all doing....Its awful watching our children live in the hell of addiction...Ladies, you are doing what is best for your kids, and the rest of the family..but its painful...I pray for our kids each night, and if there was a miracle out there I would gladly pay for it....It has to be down to them, and that is the hardest thing, because we have to wait......Ive got one week left till my son is back home, and im getting those feelings in the pit of my stomach....I REALLY HOPE there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all ...cyber hugs xxxx

Alexis2
5 Jul 2014

Hi 'Sad and Tired' and Amanda... I have a 32 yr old son, and I ran into this blog because I am searching for the same as you both are. Tough love has to be the hardest thing for us Moms to go through because we just can't imagine one of our children would not only do drugs and ruin jobs, finances, relationships, no friends, isolation, on and on... and they blame us, become verbally abusive and what about OUR lives, and Our relationships. Surely we deserve some happiness too instead of worried sleepless nights. Well, after searching and reading your stories, mine is very similar. My son is 32, unemployed & keeps jobs maybe 2-3 months then takes 2 more months to find another job. In the meantime, like you, trying to 'save face' or keep the situation at bay so I won't have to explain much to my husband, I just help him pick up the pieces, again and again. But, I recently started feeling just way too used and tired of the 'its your fault' verbal abuse & language that I am going to do the 'tough love' thing again.  I trust in the Lord enough to know 
that whatever happens was inevitiably going to happen. We are human, we are not here to perform miracles for our children. My husband feels the same, like 'when' is enough? Like you I also have taken him food, toiletries, paid rent, electricity & phone because I was afraid he would fall into the streets and crime or get beaten up, and I wanted to always have communication. But, I recently spoke to friends & a Pastor friend who said they would put him in a Prayer list and for me to let him discover himself & have some remorse for his actions or I would never be released from HIS addictions. So, tough love it is. I feel for you both and will be worried to death, but when is it enough? What about OUR happiness.. I wish I had better advice for you all, but I am really just beginning to NOT continue paying for any of his debts. Like they say if it 'works' for them why should they change? So, good luck to you both, my blessings are with you. May the Lord give us all strength for this disease...

Alexis2
5 Jul 2014

Also I totally understand what you mean, about wanting 'Your son" back. So do I. I really miss who he used to be, so loving, kind, handsome and thoughtful. I don't know what drug he is using, or what if any mental condition he has. but, like you said it does help a little knowing others may be feeling what your feeling. Again, I will continue prayers for all us moms, as WE are the ones who care more for our kids no matter what they have become. But, be strong it is true. they are more resilient than we think:) God Bless

Alexis2
5 Jul 2014

I also feel so much in my heart tonight because today was a very hard day, with aggressiveness & it was a MY fault day... so I wonder if you feel that your children may "harm themselves"? because that is my fear. But, even though our worse nightmare isn't it true that we ALL have choices & have had to live by our choices? So why are we compelled to take the blame for our kids bad choices? I think we let them continue to "do their thing" away from our home, and let them miss a meal or 2 and see if they really want the help. If so, we get them into a halfway house where they work to eat. Just thinking out loud. I am as tired & concerned as you. Thank U for sharing:)

sad and tired
5 Jul 2014

H Alexis2, my son Is 22 years old, I pray he is over this soon.  How strange that everyone has similar experiences.  When my son asked me for money (for food) and I said I would buy him some rather than give money he didn't want any hmmm strange don't you think?  when he then said he was trying to get a crisis loan for food and I queried this saying I had offered him food so maybe the money was for something else he told me to f...off and said this was the reason he hated me.
Why because I can see through what he is doing.  Yes I worry that he could hurt himself but what can I do??  I hope and pray that there is a good end to all this soon,  and some people I am in touch with are seeing good results from tough love, so with this in mind I continue on, doing what I am hopefully for his long term benefit.  Stay strong Alexis2 its all we can do xxxx

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