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happy birthday ??? not really

Posted by Franticmum on 13 March 2014.

hi again, its my birthday today I have had some lovely presents cards and flowers, I have been out for a meal with my youngest son and his family, my oldest son and his wife have visited, it has been so lovely but all I can do now is cry, the one card I hoped and prayed would come is sadly missing yet again, I know I should count my blessings and be thankful for the lovely family I have, but where is my other son ..........   I have no idea, its history repeating itself yet again, not even a text or call has come from him, Im not surprised just very very sad, I honestly dont know where I go from here, the demon drug heroin has won again and took my son to a living hell, Im so tired of fighting  and really what am I fighting for, more years of heartbreak and pain, I cant do it anymore, his absence has spoilt yet another memory, I wish I could just forget about him but he is my son and I will always be his mum

Comments

fifi65
14 Mar 2014

Happy belated birthday wishes lovely lady, I feel your pain in your words Sue, Its so unfair :( wishing you abit of lightness in your heart this wk/end love Fiona xx

lily1
14 Mar 2014

Hi and happy birthday, as I read your story it was like listening to my own life, where you have three sons I have three daughters, and my youngest has put me through the same things, I would love to say its all sorted now but the truth is it looks like it never will, the only saving grace is she has moved in with me for the sake of her child, and it means I can kind of keep an eye on her, but living with the lies has not been good I know how you feel about wishing you could just forget about him but you never will, he's your son and there is a bond no matter what, like me just don't forget the other boys as it probably affects them too but just don't tell you so as not to hurt you anymore,. I hope I haven't deppressed you that's not my intentions, I wish you well and hope you find some peace in your life. Lily1 x

Franticmum
14 Mar 2014

thank you both for your kind words, It really helps to share on here, nobody judges, I think because we all have lived either as a partner or parent of an addict, its empathy not pity that comes through in replys. I have had many many hours of counselling through the years but although it helped me, I never really felt they understood what I had gone through. Here I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings, at times just visiting the site and reading the posts and replies gives me some sort of release I cant really explain Not that Im glad others are suffering like me but, I dont know I cant put into words how my heart is lightened a little. 
Lily1 you certainly havent depressed me, it helps to share experiences, my youngest son was only around 11 when this first all started he saw thing no youngster should ever see, he was bullied at school because his brother was a "druggie" he saw me trying to keep it together for him and at 17 he supported me through really bad times in short I nearly lost my life to the big C (still cant say the word), I battled and beat it, all the time out of my mind with worry of not knowing where his brother was. My other son was older and had left home to live with his partner he still feels guilty about it. I have so so much to be thankful for Im so proud of the two of them, they are hard working family men and have given me 5 beautiful grandchildren, I still to this day dont know what went wrong All 3 of them were brought up exactly the same and until 16ish he was just as honest and hardworking he did well at school and was a brilliant footballer to the point of being approached by a scout of a well known football club, his future was looking so good but then like a pack of cards it all tumbled down, im sorry if im rambling again but once I start I cant seem to stop, at this moment in time nobody has seen or heard from him for 2 week now but I know from past experience he will just turn up as though nothing has happened and expects to be treated as if nothing is wrong, can I handle him this time, I truly dont know at the moment, all I hope for is a little peace of mind. 
I will pray for you 2 ladies and send big cyber hugs to you both, amd remember ladies keep strong and take care of yourselves you are the most important person in your life, hope you have a peaceful weekend 

love Sue Xxxxxx

lily1
15 Mar 2014

Hi again sue, just read you blog and again its the same for me, I kept wondering where it all went wrong,  I have in the past convinced myself that it must have been something I did or didn't do that made my daughter turn to drugs, I've been told umpteen times it wasn't anything to do with us, but then I think other horrible things must have happened to her, but if it did she certainly hasn't said anything about it, I know we all blame ourselves and I'm told that's normal, but can't convince myself that, I'm sorry to hear you were I'll, that can't have been easy for you, with all the worry and stress of your son as well, but glad to hear your on the right track now, if only we could all just be happy with what we have, but I know its in our heads all the time, my husband and I can't even go on holidays as I won't leave my granddaughter at home alone with her , but would love a holiday and just get some me time,. You said it yourself you are the most important person in your life, stay strong and keep in touch, lily1

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