mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli

for
families

We care, for the better.

A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.

sign in

Sign in to make comments and contribute your own stories. Or click here to register if you've never used the blog before.

Sign In

Want to find a support group? Enter your postcode or town below to find a support group near you.

Find help

Share Your Story

Hate being lied to.

Posted by fbc83 on 14 September 2014.

Ive been with my partner 15yrs & have 2 boys. We briefly split for afew months 8 years ago because I was fed up holding the baby so to speak. When we got back together I didn't realise that in that time hed become a heroin (smoking it) addict. It took me a year to notice even though when I look back everything was obvious, him disappearing, foil going down quick etc. He has a younger sister also a heroin addict that he went to "rescue" from her lifestyle before he became addicted himself. Clearly she keep his addiction secret. He works 50 hours a week & provides for us. He says hes not a bad person he has an addiction. Only family members know hes on methadone. I have never seen him do heroin either. The problems im having with his addiction is the lies & trust. I know everything there is to know about addiction, withdrawls, heroin, methadone & ive even been to concelling sessions for myself at his drug place. I drug test him & go to his meeting. He says he doesnt do it every day just when he feels like it. He says he keeps it from me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I understand that but the thought of being with a heroin addict discusts me. I love him & have stood by him through everything drug related. I know this isnt relevant but I gave up smoking (cigarettes) 13yrs ago & sometimes I feel like its ur choice to stop an addiction so clearly he wants to have his cake & eat it. Sorry about the rambing but I thought id write something down & get some views. Theres loads more about the situation but id be writing for weeks.

Comments

sk
14 Sep 2014

The lies oh my god the lies and then comes the constant mental torture whats he doing, does'nt take that long to get to shops and back, hes been too long whats he doing in toilet, its like baby sitting someone elses child scared they are going to fall and bang their heads it just never stops the constant wondering the constant questioning yourself when you know deep down whats happening. Thats my life day in day out and its exhausting not to mention looking after two kids but after all I am super women so he thinks but really I am just broken I am just an expert at putting on a front. Heroin is devil n I do believe in them having a choice in putting that rubbish in their body but to them they don't you have two paths a right one and a wrong one. Take care x

Icarus_Trust
14 Sep 2014

Good evening,

Wow, that does sound like a lot.  I know you've said that you've been to counselling for him and with him, but have you thought about it just for yourself?  For the sake of you children maybe?  The Icarus Trust is a free service which provides counselling and signposting to services in your area which can be of serious use to you.  If you want to get in touch, you can on info@incarustrust.org on on their website.  

I hope this is of some help and you can unload and speak to someone for weeks :)

fbc83
14 Sep 2014

Sk thanks for your reply. Thats so right! He always tells me what he thinks I what i want to hear like if he didnt work hed go to rehab because its funded & we cant afford it otherwise or he'll take 2 weeks off work to do a cluck. From the outside we look like we're in a"normal" relationship but like you said we're broken. Ive even had dealers cross the street cause I used to lower myself to have a go at them. I try not to mention heroin but I dont want him to think ill ever be ok with it. Thanks x

fbc83
14 Sep 2014

Icarus trust. Ive had sessions myself separate from his ones. It did help at first learning the cycle etc but I found reading forums better for me personally.  Thanks.

sk
15 Sep 2014

Well he is on about week 8 of being clean but yet its no easier for me not even sure whether I am 100% convinced he is clean I am constantly paranoid almost obsessed with what he is doing, how long it takes him and I have even stooped so low to checking his phone. I cannot stand the sight of kitchen foil i have'nt bought any for about 5 years. You see with addicts there is always an excuse but fact is they are selfish and only ever put that horrid drug first. Just the word gets stuck in my throat I feel like I have been to hell and back i have bad chest pains and anxiety attacks its crazy because i was once really happy.
He wonders why I cannot trust him thing is I resent him for getting help while I get nothing the only thing that helps is this site knowing I am not alone. I have told him that if he messes up I will have nothing more to do with him and neither will the children I have to protect them and just hope one day when they are older they will understand. 

He blamed his old friends for his addiction and I did too at one point but fact is he had a choice its just a shame no one gave me one, I too was in denial in the begining and by the time I realised I was head over heels for him and thought I could save him that was 15yrs ago fact is only they can save themselves.

Take care x

fbc83
15 Sep 2014

Hi, obviously you want to believe him but why should you. Ive got to the point now that I feel im always right. Weither hes used or not to me he has I just cant prove it. I used to hunt round the house like a mad women searching for cling film, wrappers. Panicking
 whilst doing it. I ended up addicted to catching him out. Everyone he is associated with apart from the 
people he works & 99% of his family are addicts of 
some kind mostly heroin & crack. I was happy like you said & now im not thats why i looked for somewhere 
to share my life really. Im new to this forum & its 
shocking to find identical situations thats why I joined. 
The annoying thing is if someone I knew was in my situation I would say run for the hills you deserve to be happy but being in it yourself is whole different ball game. Take care now x

fbc83
15 Sep 2014

Hi, obviously you want to believe him but why should you. Ive got to the point now that I feel im always right. Weither hes used or not to me he has I just cant prove it. I used to hunt round the house like a mad women searching for cling film, wrappers. Panicking
 whilst doing it. I ended up addicted to catching him out. Everyone he is associated with apart from the 
people he works & 99% of his family are addicts of 
some kind mostly heroin & crack. I was happy like you said & now im not thats why i looked for somewhere 
to share my life really. Im new to this forum & its 
shocking to find identical situations thats why I joined. 
The annoying thing is if someone I knew was in my situation I would say run for the hills you deserve to be happy but being in it yourself is whole different ball game. Take care now x

sk
16 Sep 2014

Yes I completely agree thats why none of my family know because they would just tell me to leave but fact is I love him and I hate the fact I do, I was the one who chose him to be the father of my children which I also hate myself for although he does treat them well. You say most of his family are addicts but with my partner none of his immediate family are so I am not sure whether it makes a difference or not but I think if I was brought up in that situation it would make me more determined not to be like them but maybe thats a selfish way to look at it I dunno. I was the same always on the hunt trying to catch him out constantly sniffing round the rooms he had been in. Its alot easier him not living here anymore I can be at ease when I get home and know that nothing will be found and the relief of that is unbelievable. I always said if my daughter was in the same situation I would tell her to run a mile I dont want this life for her. X

emziemelv
23 Nov 2014

hi, i am sorry for all the troubles in your lives, i myself am in a very similar boat,  and it is soo refreshing to be able to read soo many of you that are in the same boat as me,  i have struggled with my husbands heroin addiction for years and it is soo hard when there is noone to talk to, even typing this down is relieving some of the tension i have built up. 
everyone tells me to run for the hills but i feel obligied to stick by him even when i hate him, i can not trust him to leave the house, he can go a couple of days with just his methadone but then sometimes he will be out everyday buying it.  i do not know where  am with him. i am becoming a paranoid, wreck. 
sorry for babbling but it is soo nice to be able to tell people ,who understand me. xx

emziemelv
23 Nov 2014

i have just realised this blog was from sept, hope some of your lives are better?

fbc83
23 Nov 2014

Hi. I was the same, I have posted afew times & was surprised at what I read. You say everyone says run for the hills... I presume that hes known as an addict to others. Where my partner isnt only to other addicts. Since I last posted I have been round to a dealer & paid £200 debt that could of brought Christmas presents I obviously had my say aswell. I now have the bank card where his wages go in & hes gone up on his methadone. (Apparently) he hasnt used for 3weeks. He said if he uses on this amount its cause he wants to not cause hes ill. I still dont trust him & never will but im looking forwards now not backwards like I used to. Has your husband been an addict since you've been together?  Take care x. P.s I get an email when someone adds a post no matter how long its been.

emziemelv
23 Nov 2014

yes sadfully that is the downfall to being there for them, all the money WE have to pay out, my husband doesnt work due to a back problem which is why i think he finds it hard to stay off it.  he is known to his family and a close friend of mine as an addict, but  no-one else knows. hes been an addict for 20 years with a few clean years here and there, he went back on it 2years ago after 4years clean,  it is the lies i cant cope with and like yourself even when he says he hasnt had anything i dont believe him, he has lied sooo much even silly little things noone else would think anything of it but it plays in my mind.

You must be signed in to comment. To sign in, use the form to the right, or click here to register if you've never used the blog before.

Submit