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Hate is a very strong WORD!!!!!

Posted by fifi65 on 5 November 2013.

I am gulity of saying I hate my son..These word's just burst out of my mouth a few days ago in front of my 84yr mother and Sister ( they insisted I did'nt mean it) I had lost all controll and was crying hysterically in my mother's arm's.. He called to my house at 6am a few day's ago, absolutley off his head on Crack cocaine, methodone, diazapan, oh and his beloved weed!! My mistake was to ask for the money i lent him earlier that day, he promise he was owed it, and new it was all i had for the electric meter.. He ground me down yet again until i lent it him ( more fool me AGAIN) Heated word's were exchanged and i ask him to leave, " I'm going no where was his reply" He wanted more money and if i did'nt get some he will smash my house up, i went for him, lost it and tried to hit him in the face.. He then smashed my telly up, pointed at the computer to show that's next, my two little shih tzus started barking and he threatened to stamp on ther head's if they did'nt shut-up..I phoned the police, never in 5yrs of him being an addict did I think I could ever do that..That was'nt my son, it was a monster in my own living room, because I did'nt want him charged with anything they just dropped him off the other side of town to get him away from me.. Relief !! not at all my phone never stopped with how I am a wrong un and he is going to terrorise me for the rest of my life.. straight back to mine wrecked my back garden, screaming in the street He want's his methondone cause he love's it ( for the amusement of the neighbour's at 7am) I threw it out the window to him.. I thought that was it for a while, NO, he went to my mother's house asking for £50, screaming at her, she is 84yrs  in her back garden, He said the most awful thing's to her, I don't think i will every forgive this time!! This Man is my only child, has had everything, love affection and  was one popular lad, everyone has tried to help him, and when I ask him why he will just snatch the hand off you for any kind of drug, He answered me "He like's them" My heart is heavy xxx

Comments

breaking point
30 Nov 2013

Hi - your story very similar to mine. Our daughter its alcohol, been through all this. I wish I could give you some solid advice but all I can say is I understand especially about the hating part. We have wished our daughter dead so that she and us would be at peace. We lost her a long time ago - at least we could then grieve for her.  Hope it helps to know you are not alone x

fifi65
14 Dec 2013

thank you, yes it help's a lot knowing Im not alone. It was still really raw when I shared that story, I felt terrible for even thinking I hate him, but coming on here shown me its a natural reaction to the pain your feeling, we all crave peace, its so hard to come by with an addict in the family.. I still havent seen my son from that day till this, but Im not at peace..I hope your daughter gets well. sending you a hug xxx

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