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Help me to help him

Posted by Button12 on 10 December 2014.

My boyfriend opened up to me and admited that he has a cocaine addiction and wants to get clean.

Ive know something has been up for the last few months. He goes out most saturdays with his mates, for as long as i can rember ive alwaysed picked him up on a night out, but the last few months hes always got really funny about it and when i get him hes always really shady. but finally last night after he went missing all night and didnt answer his phone he admited to me what was going on and where and what he had been doing all night and he told me how much it cost him each week and it is a lot of money, he is like a conpletly diffrent person to when we got together he is so moody always wants to sleep, never has any money or want s to do anything very snappy but its all clear why now.

He doesnt want any of his family or my family to know because he is ashamed but he has asked if i can help him, and of course i said yes i love him to pieces and i will stand by him 100% every second of the way i know its going to be tpygh but i want to so that we can be happy and start our life together. My only problem is, ive never dealt with anything like this before and i dont know the first place to start? Please help me to help him

Comments

Icarus Trust
12 Dec 2014

Hi 
I'm glad you have posted here as I know that what you are going through is hard, but there is help out there for you. The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families and friends of addicts and will help you. We have experienced trained volunteers called 'Family Friends' who will  listen and help you talk through how to go on, as well as  what other help there is available.. This is a free service so I hope that you will contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.

Ruth95
3 Jan 2015

I have been in the same position, and hopefully things are getting better now. My boyfriend who I love unconditionally is a recovering crystal meth and GHB addict. It was possibly the hardest struggle of my life going through the substance abuse and withdrawal with him but he has now been clean for over 3 months and showing no signs of ever going back.
It's tough because patience is so important I believe they need to see how much you love and support them especially through relapses ect because that's when you will feel the closest to giving up. 
I never forced my partner into anything I just said I would always support him in every way I can but its important that any decisions made to stop using is made by them.
Telling his family for me and my partner was a big step and in our case an important one but I always gently encouraged it. He needs all the support he can get from family, friends, support  groups and rehabilitation centres. With only you knowing it can feel like you have far too much responsibility and its not an easy thing to do.
In the end my boyfriend got through it by abstinence recovery, meaning he doesn't take any substance including alcohol or anything else, I also did the same even though I have never had a problem with addiction but its an important part of showing that substances aren't needed to enjoy life in fact quite the opposite.
This is what worked for me, but I think most importantly you must remember that addiction is an illness, but unlike most illnesses people are shunned for having them rather than supported to get better
I wish you the best, hope it helps x

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