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here we go again

Posted by sad and tired on 23 April 2014.

I know its stupid, I have bailed my son out yet again, put my self over my own overdraft to pay his debts so he can keep his car and job, he gave me his card so I could take my money back when he got paid.  Of course when he got paid he was down as he had taken so much unpaid leave, but still I rang companies asking them to waive charges etc, didn't take my money back that he owed me and felt so pleased that this month if he didn't touch any cash he would pay all his direct debits.  So what does he do today he goes and gets cash over the counter with id only £50 but enough so that he cant pay his bills and its only a couple of days since he got paid.  When I confronted him he denied it smirked and said "but you are the only one who can take money out, you have the card" I have been down taken the money he owes me and given his card back to him, he couldn't take it quick enough and was texting as quick.  This is it now, he will blow the lot, his bills wont get paid, I am so upset yet again........it breaks my heart to know he is going to lose everything.  All he keeps saying when I say anything is "f...off" nice eh.

Comments

concerned mum
23 Apr 2014

Hi dont beat yourself up!!! Ive done this and had the same responses from my son..Exactly the same scanario.  Only my son doesnt live with me over a week ago now i fell into the same trap,  I transferred twenty pound to his account for food he claimed he was overdrawn and it got swallowed so i sent more then the following day i caught him blowing twenty pound in the bookies and had the audacity to call me a fxxxxing sxxt mother and he was gonna top himself because i would nt replace it.  All of this said in front of his three year old brother...I walked off and left him to it...The next thing is his police support officer is bringing him to my home to eat and shower which i allowed he then went off and told his probation officer a wonderful sob story about what a terrible mother I am and how I allow his stepfather to take drugs but dont support him and have left him homeless and without food(This is complete rubbish)  I get a barrage of abusive texts calling me for everything and then two days later have his boxing manager call me to hand over money to put him in a B and B for four days until he gets given a new flat as he is sleeping rough, bearing in mind he had his benefits the day before and blew every penny..I refused A) because i simply cant afford it he has bled me dry andB) I felt if he had to rough it it might open his eyes to sorting himself out...tough love..was probably harder on me than on him...I felt dreadful  but low and behold he pulls the wool over his boxing managers eyes and they pay for it and now im the most diabolical mother in the world to them and him...I simply cant win

sad and tired
23 Apr 2014

no you cant,and neither can I, I am such a mug.....he has now gone out, he will blow the last bit of cash he has and then blame me for giving him his card.... this time I have to let him lose everything, it may be the only way he is ever going to learn.  I feel so bad because at the minute I cannot bare to  even look at him, I am so sick of him and his debts.............he says if I want him out to find him somewhere to live, he means pay for somewhere, why should I he will drag me deeper and deeper into debt.  He doesn't seem to realise that in the real world you have to pay your way.

concerned mum
23 Apr 2014

Yeah I Know what u mean my son has done exactly the same to me have used savings, wages overdraft am currently off work with anxiety and depression.  Im adament he is not going to make me struggle for money anymore...I would nt mind if he was appreciative and respectful but dont matter what i try i just get abuse..It drains me...haven t heard a thing from him since sunday am mixed between worry and how peaceful it is

CANT TAKE NO MORE
25 Apr 2014

Hi Ladies....please dont feel down on yourself.....you both have and are doing so much, and getting abused for it........It really miffs me how us mothers are the ones that feel tormented, sad, angry, frustrated and at a loss as what to do next......Stay strong. What I will say is our boys would drain our accounts if we let them, they have no shame.......For now my son doesnt get one penny off us or any other member of our family.....He has to survive on hos dole money.......hard but I wont be part of bull anymore......

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