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A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.

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Here we go again

Posted by Harriett on 13 June 2013.

I have never posted here before and have only just came across this site.
Since September 2012 I have known my sister is a alcoholic, she has a young son and a partner.
We have been trying to help her and she was due to start a detox on Monday 10th June but the week previous she had a failed suicide attempt whilst drunk and was admitted to a mental hospital to detox. Well she spent a whole week there, being drugged up but no support for stopping drinking and was discharged yesterday afternoon. By last night she had drunk a bottle of vodka. When I asked if she had drunk she swore on my daughters life she had not drunk and that it was her new medication, she said she views drink as her enemy and couldnt believe I thought she would drink so soon when she has just been allowed home and was enjoying spending time with her son. ALL LIES. 
My Mum who was with her then called me and told me she had found her drinking vodka. 
SOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY. My family have spent the last week working round the clock to support her, by looking after her little boy, visiting her and meeting with social services. And straight away she just drinks.
Can anyone explain to me WHY that would happen? She told us she worrys about what this is doing to us and the stress she is putting us through but straight away gives in and drinks. I try to understand that this is a disease and she is ill and it isnt her fault - but I am struggling to keep on believing this.


19 Jun 2013

It happens because your sister is an alcoholic and she won't be able to resist returning to alcohol until she seeks outside help. Her worry about what her drinking does to the rest of the family simply isn't enough on its own - it never is, not for any alcoholic.
You and the rest of the family are also powerless to make her stop. Everything you try - nagging, threats, support, help - will fail. All you will achieve with your efforts is stress and misery for yourselves and no progress for her.
There is hope however and you have done the right thing coming to a forum like this. These issues can have a devastating affect on families - but they are pretty common. The best thing you can do is find a local support group of people in the same position as you. There might be a local adfam group or there are plenty of al anon meetings up and down the country. Besides finding friendship and support from people who will never judge you, al anon will also teach you how to detatch with love from your sister and work on improving your own sanity and serenity. Detaching and stopping helping your sister out of her drink related chaos may very well hasten the day when she realises she must seek help. So don't work round the clock to support her - she will then be forced to support herself.  Remember, and this will seem harsh, that she may die from alcoholism - but that your efforts cannot prevent this. Withdrawing your help may make her realise she needs help.

Your little nephew is another matter entirely. Children must be protected. Social services may need to be involved here and the little boy removed from his mother until she seeks recovery.

Doing the best that I can
20 Jun 2013

I don't know what to say apart from I read it feel in hell myself but want you to know that someone is listening even if they don't know what to do, read my blog called happening now don't know if we can help each other at the moment but maybe we can get stronger from it

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