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Heroin addict boyfriend of ten years has left me for someone else

Posted by help81 on 15 December 2013.

I don't know where to begin but I need some support or advice on my current situation. My partner of ten years has just ended our very turbulent relationship. He has been a heroin user for 8 years, that I know of. He is only 27. I am clean and have never touched heroin.

We did live together for a number of years but last December after he lost his temper and threw a pan of food across the kitchen then pushed me with such force I thought I was going to end up through the window of our second floor flat I told him to leave. In my heart I didn't want him to go and didn't think it would be permanent but I was so angry and hurt.

The past year, with us living apart, has seen the relationship crumble and reform numerous times. Usually he comes back then I can't cope with the constant lies so I try to control his every movement which frustrates him and makes him angry then I become cold and show him no love in a 'tough love manner'. He then begs to be let back in because he can't cope without me and I close up because I'm scared yet I know I don't want to lose him.

since July the contact became less and less frequent but he was always my partner and me his. Last month he text to say he hadn't seen me in so long because he was in a state and didn't want me seeing him like that. He wanted us to sort things do I cooked him tea and he came round. After we had eaten his phone rang which he quickly put in his pocket. I noticed my photo was now gone from his homescreen. This may seem like something small but he was so proud of the photo he had. Then I noticed a woman's ring round his neck chain and I knew something was up. I asked him about it but he denied there was any other girl. He told me he wanted us and said that we had been over but after seeing the ring I was seething and couldn't talk. He then said well that's obviously your answer that you don't want us. I tried to talk but he just left my house keys and walked out. That was it. I asked if he had someone else and he denied it saying why would I come round if I had someone else. One month later and I see him with someone. He texts to say "yes I have moved on, I'm with someone new and I'm happy". 

I am absolutely devastated. I love him so much and just don't know what to do. The few times he has text he has said it was a hard decision but he feels like I just hated him, that I wouldn't let him live me or I wouldn't let him in and that he cannot put himself through anymore hurt by being with me and that I just made him feel like I wasn't good enough.

What I haven't mentioned us that he has been emotionally and physically abusive towards me for years. I kept a roof over his head and put up with lies as he spent all his money on drugs. He used to say he felt so guilty for what he did but now nothing. Last year I saved his life ad he was on the brink of an OD yet now I feel like the most cold, unloving woman ever. He told me I took his life and everything he knew when I threw him out but now he has someone who makes him happy. I just cannot deal with this and don't know what to do. I do not want it over.


21 Dec 2013

I burst into tears reading your post I fekt every word of it my partner has been an addict for 20 years we have onky been together 4 years and I have onky known for two years ive forgiven so much and been hurt sonmuch by him but im stilk sag here waiting for him to come home every night I feel stupid nieve but when does ut stop when shoukd we sag enough is enouhg a n walk away should you take this opportunity to walk away and rebuild yourself

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