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Heroin Addict Brother

Posted by Inthemiddle on 11 February 2015.

My little brother was going through a tough time our father passed away, his wife kicked him out of their house, and he lost his job all in the same week. I took him under my wing brought him into my home, that I share with my wife and our 3 children, to live and got him a job with the company I work for.  A couple months in I started hearing rumors at work about my brother and his odd behavior, my wife had her suspicions as well so we had a talk with him and explained that in order for him to continue to live with us he would have to pass a drug test. He failed miserably, so he packed up his things and moved in with his girlfriend. It wasn't too much longer when his name popped up for a random at work and he failed again. He was suspended and allowed to come back a few weeks later however, he failed his reentry drug test as well so he was let go. I finally broke down and went to talk to my mother. Our talk didn't go as planned...she didn't believe a word I said, despite me having black and white proof and kicked me out of her house.  For the past 2 years I have sat back and watched my heroin addicted brother steal, lie, almost die, and lie some more. Last month it all finally caught up with him, he was arrested. He got pulled over because someone reported suspicious activity (he and another guy broke into a neighbors car) upon searching the 2 of them they found heroin and other paraphernalia. This past month was good, my mother and I started talking again, but that ship has sailed once again. She decided to bail him out...against everyone's wishes. You see over the past 2 years there isn't a family member he hasn't stolen from, lied to or deceived, after wrecking his car he even stole our aunts and wrecked hers too, my mother has nothing left in her house worth any value as  he has taken EVERYTHING to sell to support his habit - not counting all the cash she and other family memebers has given him.  She bailed him out now expects me to bend over backward for him and forgive and forget everything as she feels he is "cured". I just can't do it, I'm not ready I can't even look at him in the face, let alone just forget everything like it never happened. He has been caught by family members, questioned, fired, arrested 3 times, been in 5 accidents 1 that almost took his life - he spent 3 months in ICU and after all that he went back to the needle each time. Why she thinks he isn't going to go back to it just because he spent a month in the slammer is beyond me. I just don't know what to do I have 3 children that she is missing out on because she blames me for being the bad guy for not wanting to help him. Its not that I don't want him to get better, it's not that I don't want to help him...its just, I don't even know. It's very difficult to let all that go I guess I am just bitter about her ALWAYS enabling him and telling me to go to hell. He will not take responsibility for what he has done "the drugs made him do it", she sees him as a victim "he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he was hanging out with the wrong people that got him in trouble, etc". It is very tiring to see them/listen to them as I feel they are both living in their own little [coocoo] world.  I have tried telling her all of this and her reply was "if you can't show support to him you are out of my life." Anyone else out there in the same spot or were you at one time? How are you dealing or what was the outcome? Thank you.

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
11 Feb 2015

Oh Hunni, I'm so sorry that things look hard...you are doing right, unfortunately mum is enabling him to continue his addiction....don't blame her, I did it too, until I faced things head on, researched, gained knowledge....and I said the same as your mum...it was everyone's fault but his....I hate to say this, but sometimes you have to let your kids go before you get them back.....I applaud you for trying to help him, but only he can do it..,I hope your mom sees this too...hugs xxx

Icarus Trust
12 Feb 2015

It is very sad that your brothers drug habit is causing such problems between you and your mum. That is hard for you to deal with, but sadly drugs don't just affect the people who take them. If you would like to talk to people who have lots of experience with what you are going through you could try contacting The Icarus Trust. We are a charity who is there to support families and friends of addicts with our free service called 'Family Friends'. These are all experienced trained volunteers who we would put you in touch with if you contact us. You might find it helpful to talk through how you are feeling and find  that you are not alone in this situation.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this helps. Good luck!

hope/faith
25 Feb 2015

Hi, don't feel guilty or doubt yourself in how your dealing with your situation.  Your own family must come first, there is no right or wrong way trust me I know.  I feel for you, your Mom I guess sees what's in front of her, she like you is probably exasperated, and who can blame her for wanting to believe in your Brother.  I have personal experience in what your going through, my partner has a heroin addiction, it rips the heart out of your family, he has struggled off and on for 15yrs.  I do believe its a addiction, illness but they have to want to help themselves, no matter what we do to help it means nothing if it doesn't come from them and they have to be 100% commited. I wish you all the best for the future and I live in hope that one day I and all the other families can live a' normal ' life xxx

oscar-g
6 Mar 2015

Hi it's obvious  easier for your mom to blame you rather than accept it's your brothers responsibility probably because she doesn't understand or knows what to do next. Your mom needs to understand that any form of addiction is a disease and needs to be treated as such. Also your brother is solely responsible for his own actions and can seek help but it needs to be his decision. You have done as much as anyone can do I think it's time to concentrate on your own family but be there for when your brother needs you, as it's obvious he has some deep rooted issues that need to be addressed, above all do not blame yourself for your brothers behaviour. I wish you and your family a happier future

smallangel
3 Apr 2015

Hello, I have a sister who we have just recently found out is a drug addict. My mam and dad have always looked after her and basically left me to get on with it. I can't tell you how much it hurt for them always being with her and her son. At the end of last year I had counselling and realised that I had my dad on a pedestal, for all the wrong reasons. I realised that he didn't love my sister more than me, he controlled her. He put me down and I realise that it is because he couldn't control me. It has gone completely wrong, my sister has never done anything for herself but he also made her believe that she was useless. It's an awful situation to be in but you need to realise that if your mam turns her back she has to admit she has failed.  My mam is still sticking her head in the sand with regards to my sister, even though my mam and dad are now taking care of my sisters children. My dad now wants me to help and now wants my son to go round so he can have a break. This makes me so angry as he has never spent time with my children and all of a sudden if it makes his life easier he wants my son. He even asked me to take my son round, not because he hasn't seen him but he wanted my son to keep my sisters children entertained! I have to say to you that you and your family comes first. Don't live your life to support your brother or your mother, support yourself and your family, it's not your rod to carry, as hard as it is to accept that. I wish you and your family every happiness and I hope your brother and my sister come out of the other side but they do need to do it themselves.

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