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Heroin and lies

Posted by Caz on 24 March 2014.

I have been married for almost 24yrs to a heroin addict. He cam,e off it when we first met and we were blessed with 2 amazing children. However, heroin became available to him again in 1997 and I have spent the last 17yrs bringing up the children who are now 23 and 21. He contacted neca and I thought all our troubles were over. Not the case as in these yrs our house has been raided by police on numerous occasions and I have trouble recognizing the man I married. He seems unable to tell the truth and despite being on a methadone programme, is now buying that on the street to up his dosage. How can I carry on like this? On Saturday I was horrified to discover some foil with heroin on it. Hidden in a magazine. I haven't confronted him yet and feel physically  sick with worry as I know he won't admit it. I know I should tell him but am fearful of the outcome. I have put up with this for so long but as he also has c.o.p.d. It's like emotional blackmail as he says he would kill himself if I left. Am at my wits end. The children aren't daft either and my son has no respect for him. He has put us through so much that I just don't see a way out. Any help would be appreciated.

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
24 Mar 2014

Evening caz, wow you have lived with this for many years , and managed to bring up 2kids aswell....can I ask, have you had enough now? If the answer is yes then only you know what to do.....when you love someone you don't emotionally blackmail them, but then I'm sure you know addicts blame everyone and everything but themselves...I'm not sure I could still be there, especially now your kids have grown.....living with an addict is hard work, it's whether you want to continue with it....personally, I would let him get on with it, and leave, but then I know that's not always possible....hope you come to the right decision for you...your son it seems has already Sussed him out, hense the lack of respect...and you can't blame him really, cause I'm guessing he missed many parts of his childhood.... Thank god they have you......take care of you now! Here if you need to talk x

CANT TAKE NO MORE
24 Mar 2014

Caz just forgot to say , him saying he would kill himself if you left.....well he's doing that already, whilst your there.....what's the difference?

Caz
25 Mar 2014

Thanks so very much for caring, it hurts so much I could explode. I think what you're saying makes perfect sense....I just hope I can find the strength to end it because, yes, I am so tired of it all. I want to find some happiness while I still can. Yeah, he's killing himself whether I am there or not. Its so hard when you can't talk to anyone either. Your words helped a lot xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
25 Mar 2014

Caz, take things at your pace...being around an addict is tiring, frustrating, scary....but YOU matter in all of this, and i agree, you do deserve YOUR HAPPINESS.....Find out what your options are, speak to your kids and take care of you....here if you need anything hun xxx

Caz
26 Mar 2014

Thanks so much again for your wise words. I think what you said about taking things at my own pace has struck a chord. I don't have to rush in... I need time to think about ME as you say. I know it won't be easy when I finally speak out but this is so big that I don't want rush in unprepared. I have had so many conversations in my head but I feel a sense of calm right now as I know that eventually I will say it, regardless of the outcome. Knowing I have someone to talk to is such a help and is keeping me going right now. Am so glad I didn't rush in....For I know that he will lie no matter what and need to be strong enough to make this final stand...no matter what the outcome, it's got to be better than this living he'll. Thanks so much again xxx

Caz
26 Mar 2014

Living hell I meant ;) xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
27 Mar 2014

Im so glad you feel abit stronger...it really helps just talking to someone who isnt in the thick of things....Mentally preparing yourself will take time, but I am sure you will get there...From now on keep yourself safe, think about you and how you can continue to grow your confidence and self esteem....Not for all but there are many groups around the country for family members of addicts, where you can get continued support from people living the same hell....massive hugs to you hunni xxxx as always here to chat whenever you need!!!

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