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Hidden bottles and lies

Posted by Millie699 on 17 March 2016.

My partner of 3 years started drinking heavily about 2 years ago... It started when his ex stopped him seeing his kids and gradually throughout the months got worse. He eventually went through courts and got access I thought the drinking would stop or he'd cut down but how niave was I ??? We have 5 children between us 20,16,9,7 to another partner but have our son together whose 15 month. He's drinking became more noticeable when I was about 6 months pregnant I found dozens of empty wine, beer and spirit bottles in the garage I was so shocked I had no idea his drinking was so bad. When I took him to the garage he still couldn't admit that they were his. He eventually did and went to seek support from a councilor but after a few months he was took from the programme for being ok...he obviously told them what they wanted to hear because his drinking soon crept up again. He would go to the shop for something simple like bread but than come back 'different' I knew he'd had a drink but couldn't prove it' he always denied it. I work permanent night shift 13hr shifts while my partner no longer works as he had to hand his notice in before he got sacked.... Realization come to a head just after Xmas this year my partner Also worked nights 2 nights to work around my shifts as we have no babysitters do he was going to work as normal lol at least that's what I thought until I opened a letter a few days after Xmas which was a cooling off letter from his employers about his resignation when I questioned him about it he just Closed up and wouldn't tell me as he was too embarrassed I finally got it out of him that he had been suspended from work 4 weeks previous for drinking on the shop floor at work but not only that he had actually stole the drink from the shelf. I was mortified especially as I am a  manager for the same company as he worked for. By this time I'd had enough of all his lies and sneakily drinking it was ultimatum time 'his family or drink?' We went to counseling together and I made him tell us everything I was shocked to the extent I had no idea it was so bad and they offered rehab a 12 week course but he must be alcohol free for at least a week before he was allowed in. He has been there for 7 weeks now and he seemed to be doing well until last weekend I found empty bottle of vodka in the bin when I questioned him he denied it but I know it's his cos no one drinks vodka in the house.  I'm constantly checking the whole house all the time... all the trust I had is gone but most importantly I leave our child with him on a night time and I'm constantly worried he's drinking I'm becoming a nervous wreck. He says he just wants to be normal and live a normal happy life but I can't see this ever being the case. Can anyone else relate to this?

Comments

Icarus Trust
22 Mar 2016

Hi Millie,
I would urge you to get some help especially if you are worried about leaving your son with your partner. It sounds like you have a lot to worry about and maybe you could do with some support for yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people like yourself who are affected by the addictions of a family member or friend. if you would like to talk to one of our trained experienced volunteers please get in touch.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.

Fin
7 Apr 2016

It was the subject of your post that caught my attention. At times I've found its the hidden bottles and the lies which are what hurts, not obviously the alcohol and its effects. My wife is an alcoholic and I know exactly what you are going through as I went through months of worrying when my wife was alone with the children who are very young. I kept putting my faith in her to not drink but it constantly got broken. Keeping faith in the one you love is natural but your taking risks with the safety of your child. Act now is all I can recommend as while I didn't leave it too late I wish I had done something sooner. You can still be there for your partner but your son must come first !

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