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How can I help my boyfriend beat cocaine

Posted by Jolie1 on 1 November 2016.

I am a new mum! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. He is now a cocaine addict. He hid the fact that he took cocaine from me for the first two years, however it finally all came out (I have no idea about drugs, so I didn't recognise the warning signs) - He apparently only used to take cocaine at weekends, on nights out! Now he has it everyday (a small amount, but still... everyday)... Anyway, I now have a child with him, he told me he would stop when the baby was born.. surprise, he hasn't... when I confront him about it, he blames me for his cocaine use, tells me it's because he isn't happy at home, I make him miserable, he didn't take it as much before he met me, etc etc... which is all nonsense!!... I'm 23 and I now have a baby to think about! (I never leave the baby in his care if he has taken cocaine)!!... There is more to life than this, I used to be an extremely confident person and now I feel broken. I want to help him for the sake of his child, I want them to have a relationship. He has no family that support him (I'm welcome to move back in with my parents at anytime) but I don't want to leave him and make him feel worse than he already does. I want to help him (he won't get help himself) however I don't have the funds to pay for him to go to rehab. 

Any advice would be appreciated :( 
.

Comments

Icarus Trust
9 Nov 2016

Hi Jolie,
Thanks for sharing your story. That's really tough for you. It must be hard to know what to do especially now you have the baby. I'm sure that you have some very hard decisions ahead of you.
If you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through, please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that is there to support people who are having to deal with the impact of a loved one's addiction. Talking with one of our trained volunteers might help you to work out what you want to do next. This is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Wishing you all the best.

Mslost
13 Nov 2016

Hi Jolie, I am very new to this, I found out on Saturday 5th November that my 27 year old son has been taking Cocaine over the last 4 years, he has twin boys of 19 months and a lovely fiancee who has been treated apaulingly by him. I have commented on your post as it resonates with me as being similar to my son's situation, I have not always got on with my son's girlfriend and it has manifested over the last week that he has instigated a lot of the bad feeling between us in an attempt to prevent us communicating and finding out his lies, but now we are talking independently of him and the truth is coming out, he has been very defensive and still try's to play us off, I have asked him numourous times if he wanted to be in his relationship with his girlfriend as they always seem to be arguing, he says he does but he has also told me that she has changed him to a person he doesn't want to be and he was happy before he met her! (It wasn't her who changed him it was the cocaine that he chose to take).
I have a friend whom in fact is my son's godmother and she also works as a drug and alcohol counsellor, I spoke to her yesterday and she told me, firstly only my son can get the help he needs, you cannot rescue him, (look at the cycle of change in wanting to give up drugs on the internet) and secondly he has chosen to take the cocaine and he has to be responsible for his actions, his girlfriend, his son's, myself and his brother and sister did not choose for this to be happening in our lives and we need to make choices to look after ourselves and each other, the advice I passed on to my son's girlfriend was that she was the only person who could make decisions for her and her son's but for her own safety and her sanity she has to put her and her son's needs first, if she chooses to stay with my son (her parents also want her and the boys to go to them) she has to put boundaries/rules in place and any consequence threatened has to be followed through, I feel like I've rattled on a bit but I wanted to give you the picture, I wish you well, just remember you and your child didn't choose this he did, x

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