We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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Posted by Blondie on 28 July 2013.
I am 60 years old and my husband is 48 we have been married for 18 years, have a beautiful home, a 2nd house we rent out, 2 lovely cars, no financial worries and our lovely 2 dogs. I always knew my husband could drink a lot soicially, but he never drank every day, or sat around indoors drinking. he had a very troubled childhood his father left his mother when he was 7 and his sister 8, and it came to lioght his mother was actually an alcoholic and hiding it for years, her father was an alcoholic and sexually abused her and put her in care when her mother left, and his uncle is also an alcoholic. He has always worked hard and was prmoted to a management post 11 years ago and we moved to a new area, I am a nurse and obtained a transfer, we enjoyed our life. Then 5 years ago, he started suffering from anxiety, stress, and depression, and his drinking was out of control tgo blot out work, he could not go to work for 6 months and was on medication but did not tell the GP about his drinkiing and so I told the GP, who offered to help him and gave a good telling off to him, telling him he would lose me and our home. He listened and for a while stopped drinking. When he realised they were trying to force him out at work he started again, eventually he accused them of constructive dismissal and left with a payout. He wanted to go into the Prison Service as he had been in the Army and he had always wanted to do this., after extensive screening, in terviews, psychologists reports he was accepted for training and went to their College for 4 Months, he was on top if the world. He then went to an open prison and seemed to love it there, we wanted to move back to our original area to be near family, as I took retirement, and he agreed to it all, and transferred to another prison which was not open, but lock down with some awful prisoners. He had a hard 8 months as he had to stay in the area, on his own and come home sveral days a week, and we both went back and forth until we finally moved into our dream house. He started on half the salary he earned as a Manager etc but I just wanted him to be happy. He has been there 15 months, had 3 bouts of sickness from work, his drinking is getting steadily worse, for instance he sat and drank 12 pints of lager indoors last night. He is being treated for anxiety, stress, panic attacks, and is recediving CBTherapy. But, nobody he has seen knows about his alcohol abuse, not even his GP. He received counselling and help from a psychologist when he worked as a Manager. I think the whole root of eveything is his childhood, he was taken by his father at 9 as his Mother was constantly hospitalised and received in house treatment for alcohol, in Clouds House, & Psychiatric Hosp, but never stopped drinking and it killed her at 68, from liver failure and kidney cancer. She turned against us 8 years before in a drunken rage, she was in a wheelchair from 48 because her alcohol caused a stroke. She called the Police told them we had assaulted her, which was all lies, and we never spoke to her again. In the past 9 years he has become closer to his Father & stepmother, an d I can taslk to them, but he wont listen to anybody. He needs to own up to the GP and the Group he is at for 12 weeks receiving Cognitiave Behaviour Therapy with. He has gone sick again 4 days ago, and has drunk steadily every day. I am at my wits end, and just want to walk away, will my leaving give him a short sharp shock and make him think, am I helping him by ignoring it, sitting in the same room whilst he is drinking, letting him bring it into the house ? What shall I do, I am feeling ill and depressed myself now. Should I go to our new GP and explain everything to him ? Woule he help me ? I havce kept all this from my own family, I have 2 childrfen and 4 grandchildren. His hands shake, and he sometimes stinks of alcohol, he used to get drunk of 6 pints, then 8, then 10, and now last night 12, I cannot believe it all really, I feel my life is spiralling out of control, why cant he see what he is doing to us, he just laughs and says he enjoys drinking, he's not an alcoholic as he doesnt want to drink in the morning and can go withut drink when he';s working, which is true. He repeats things to me the next day that he has tol,d me the night before. Our sex life is non existent, and affection and respect is going out oif the window. I feel I am too old to put up with this.
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