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i cant see an end to this

Posted by lyn on 12 March 2015.

my son dont work dont sign on he sleeps all day and goes out at night  and smokes week we dont give him money he gets it from his friends he told me he has anxiety problems and also he pulled out of uni and broke up with the love of his life i know he feels useless, but he wont help himself and gets angry when i confront him my husband gets angry with him and we all start arguing and saying awful things to one another please can someone help me

Comments

Icarus Trust
18 Mar 2015

Hi Lyn
This is really tough for you and your family so may be you could do with someone to talk to. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the friends and families of addicts. We have trained volunteers who are experienced in supporting people going through the things that you are. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of these 'Family Friends' that you could talk to. 
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps. Good luck!

lolipop
25 Mar 2015

Hi lyn
My sons smokes weed and has done to my knowledge for around 2 years. He's probably been doing longer than that . He too says he uses it to help with his anxiety and stress . He also has been verbally aggressive punched walls put holes in doors and generally caused havoc and heartbreak in our home . He still lives with us and at times this can be difficult . However I decided around 18 months ago enough was enough I changed the way I dealt with his problem . We don't lend him any money at all we refuse to put up with his angry out bursts . We have told him toe the line with his behaviour or we will call the police to remove him from the home . I found a wonderful support group for families and friends of addicts ... They saved me ! I really can't emphasise enough how important it is too find support . It's difficult to take that first step but boy is it worth it !! The first meeting I went to I remember thinking how has my life come to this ! I was embarrassed and ashamed now I realise it happens to all sorts of people ... We didn't cause it's not something we did wrong that makes our addicts behave like this . The only person you can "save" is ourselves Do something for you find a group or support worker who can talk you through things . I remember my support worker talking about domestic abuse she kept repeating it when she had gone I realised why .. Because I had become a victim of it ! I was terrified of everything scared to say no to him scared to say yes scared to say anything because he would rage at me. It took a long time before things changed but they have and I'm in such a good place now . My life's not perfect but it's 100 % better than it was . 
Take care
Love Lolipop

jmum
12 Apr 2015

I am no expert but we as a family have found that we have to stop enabling our son, we have had to start saying no to him and it hurts but otherwise we were, like you, arguing and the whole situation was unbearable.  It feels like we are scapegoating our son but we have to protect ourselves and our other child from the damage he causes

Icarus Trust
13 Apr 2015

Hi,
Don't forget that The Icarus Trust offer a free service to the families and friends of addicts if you think it would help to talk through what you are dealing with.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

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