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I Don't Know Where To Turn

Posted by tired on 22 December 2013.

My 35 year old son has lived with me on and off since his father died some years ago. he has gone through several failed relationships, One being with the mother of his two young children. He has parental rights and through Court has access which means the children stay here at the family home where my son has the top floor and free access throughout. My son has had a history of theft (from myself and family members ie his siblings) He has continued to steal all manner of things from me during all this time. 
Cutting a long story short...I put a lock on my bedroom door and have cluttered my room with stuff I want to keep yet he manages to get in. After so many years now our relationship is so sour It is making me ill. If I mislay anything my first thought is that he has taken it and I am becoming quite neurotic as I hide my purse in ever changing locations then forget where I've hidden it. His most recent relationship with a divorced mother of two grown up children ended not long ago where she discovered Jewellery Items had gone, eventually she found that my son had stolen and pawned them. She took the matter to the police and prosecution will follow in 2014
My daughters have urged me to tell him to leave...but I don't have the heart as it would also mean that he wouldn't have anywhere to go or be able to have his children. I am torn but it doesn't stop me from confronting my son for his lack of care around the house and thoughtlessness by leaving unnecessary heating on etc etc. He works
on a commission basis and is always asking for help. 
My son also knows that as I am retired and have no income I need to sell up and move in with my daughter while I have presence of mind.,
appears to make no impact on him. If he didn't steal from me or trash the house, even help with household chores I would cope better but I continue to feel guilty as he brings up past events on how his dad was an unloving physical abuser. I worry I may lose capacity and leave my daughters to clean up the mess. My son drinks very heavily but when his sons are with him he is the most caring and loving father, the only credit I give him. I have considered  possible drug use but I haven't found any evidence (I know what to look for)
I have searched sites on Kleptomania ending up looking at Psychopath and Sociopath websites as I search for an answer.
The rest of my children aren't happy to visit any longer and are fed up with my tolerance of the situation and wearied of listening to my woes. They say it is my duty to put an end to it all and that I know but can't. My son has tried once before to commit suicide although with hindsight I'm not sure it was an authentic attempt. He never talks regardless of my constant trying to get things out in the open - it always ends up in a huge row where he breaks things and bangs his head leaving an injury. My family is torn apart there have been far too many  incidents and no one trusts him. I can't see a light at the end of my tunnel. He may yet go to prison

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