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i just dont know what to do any more

Posted by jq on 28 November 2014.

Im 21 years old. Both my parents have been addicted to drugs most their lifes. Since i was born my dad has been in and out of prison for drug dealing. He was addicted to herion before he got sent down. Then my mum started taking herion aswel to try and feel happy. I remeber going to some strangers house when i was little with my mum. She left me to play in the play ground while she was in the house jacking up she couldnt hear me knocking on the door and crying because i needed the toilet and i ended up wetting my self. My dad came home from prison and both of them were still using till he got sent back to prison again and then social services got envoled. My mum went to rehab and i got passed round the family. When they both came home again we went back to being a little family but it didnt last long. They started aurging all the time and enventually it started getting voilent. Me and my mum escaped to my grandparents house near the seaside and my mum managed to keep clean. After a while my mum got given a house in a little village and i started to enjoy a normal childhood. When i was about 7 years old my dad took my mum to court so he could see me again. We started seeing each other through a contact centre. And then i started staying with him and my stepmum every other weekend which i hated as all we would do is be in the car all day long while he visited his clients, drug dealing . When i started secondry school my mum was diognoised with bipoler and she started drinking heavily and smoking weed. The only way i thought i could cope with it, was to start drinking and eventually my drinking got stronger and stronger till i would pass out and forget about my life. I couldnt tell anyone what was happening as i would fear that they would judge me then i met my fiancee and he helped me get my life sorted. I still have trouble telling people how i feel. Currently my dad is waiting to go back to prison and my mum is still drinking and smoking weed and i have a feeling she is doing cocaine but i really hope she isnt. Will my life get any better or will it be the same and i dont think i can cope any longer. i worry that my parents wont be around to see their future grandchilden to grow up or wont be alowed to see them can i really trust them.

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
28 Nov 2014

Oh my, how sad I felt for you ,reading this..Hunni, please please please get help for your drinking..your life doesn't have to mirror your parents...you were badly let down as a child, and unfortunately addiction has many victims including fsmily who have to be in the throws of the misery..it's not their fault, it's an illness, but until they want help there's not a lot you csn do...what you can do is take care of YOU...please you are important, and deserve to be happy..counselling and therapy may help you understand too....hugs to you sweetie....and take care xx

lolipop
28 Nov 2014

Addiction is a terrible thing for anyone especially a child who has no understanding or control over what is happening to their family . I am so sorry that you had such s horrible time growing up . You deserve to be happy in your adult life and you have made some really good healthy choices for yourself. Please go and speak to someone about how your feeling they can help you continue with your recovery and build on all your hard work . Sadly your parents May never have your strength and quiet courage to change but that doesn't mean you can't be happy . By sharing your story on here you give hope to people like me who like me have a loved one who struggles with addiction I wish you great joy and happiness in your life take care 
Love lollipop xxx

vince
30 Nov 2014

Hi
Untill they sit you down and come out of denial and tell you the truth, then from my experience you can't trust them, the only one you fully need to trust and worry about is your fiance if you can trust him and talk to him  then you will be fine, look after your own new life but keep an eye on your parents from a distance and maybe one day your parents will wake up, maybe.
Good luck
Vince

Icarus Trust
2 Dec 2014

What a very sad story. I feel really sorry for what you have gone through  but you are brave and strong and can get help for yourself. 
Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families who like you have been affected by addiction. We have trained volunteers called 'Family Friends'. These are people who have had experience of addiction in their own families. If you get in touch with the charity they will put you in touch with one of these. They will talk to you, listen and understand how you are feeling and be able to signpost you to any further help you may need. It does help to talk, especially when you know that they have had similar experiences to yourself, so hopefully you might give it a try.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you find this helps you.

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