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I love my mum but I dont know what I can do anymore!

Posted by Rachie on 5 October 2014.

My mum has had a drink problem since I was a baby and has tried for years to stop, Iv always been supporting her from a young age. I seen her through the years and been practically a carer, financially and emotionally. Clearing up her mess from the night before and seeing to her cuts if she broke a glass. I couldn't sleep until I knew she was,she would fall asleep with cigarettes in her hand.She's tried to take her life twice and I honestly don't know what to say or do anymore she's trying to stop now and has been going to meetings but now feels she has no point in being alive, I'm the only family member that has stuck by her despite the violent past of verbal/physical. I moved out at a young age because of her drinking and I feel like Iv already lost her. She's not the same mum I remember from being a little girl and it's killing me emotionally. I text and ring her to every day to see if she's ok and I can always tell when she's been drinking, I find it hard to talk to her as I don't know what to say anymore. One minute I feel like saying get a grip you wernt there for me when I had bad things happen in my life and till this day still haven't told her because how can I bring it in conversation? But then I feel bad in thinking that and try to think of ways to help and I end up getting down.I'm constantly on egg shells and I always have to paint a smile on as she is so sensitive anything can trigger her drinking or moods, it's affecting me now emotionally my moods are up and down and my fiancé and future mother in law have started to notice what can I do.?!

Comments

Icarus_Trust
7 Oct 2014

Hi Rachie,

One of the best things you can probably do is speak to someone who has been in a similar situation before to help you.  Talking about everything can make it all seem manageable, especially if you can relate to a situation.  The Icarus Trust provides Family Friends who are available for you to speak to, and will try and find additional help for you and your situation.  You can contact them on email info@icarustrust.org or go to their website www.icarustrust.org.

I hope this is something

Agnes
11 Dec 2014

Hi Rachie,

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you, but thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in exactly the same situation with my mum. It's been like this ever since I can remember, there are times when everything calms down - but even in the calm times I'm constantly worried that she will do something because I can never really tell how OK she is. I do the same as you, call and text everyday. I try to support her as much as I can financially and emotionally but in the long term I don't know what to do either. I looked at this website because I can see that it's really starting to effect my mood and ability to sleep and I needed some help. 

Some of the advice I've received from other people might be of use to you too though.
- try to look after yourself, I know how hard it is when your constantly worried about someone you love but you won't be able to help her at all if you don't put yourself first.
- let other people help, this is the thing I'm struggling with most. Even if you have the courage to speak up and explain the situation to someone, they aren't always very helpful! I've realised that most people don't know what to do either - so I've sat and written lists of small practical things that close friends and family could do for me. For example, calling in on my mum when I can't be there.
- talk to professionals, I am very aware that it depends on who you see and who you trust but I recently had a chat with my mum's GP (who told me he know's another family in a very similar situation). I know that often my mum is more likely to listen to someone other than me, purely because she's the 'adult' and I'm the 'child'. I went with her to another GP appointment and we're feeling much more hopeful about the help available out there.

I'm still worried and anxious, but I'm trying to just deal with each day - and so far that's been easier than thinking too far ahead. Anyway I hope this helps you feel even a tiny bit better - the way your story helped me.

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