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Posted by blue butterfly on 12 July 2015.

My partner of 14 years is an alcoholic.  She always liked a drink...famous last words...but over the last 9 months its out of control, shes out of control.  She began treatment for depression and the heavy drinking began. We have been through 2 fitting episodes and one 3 week stay in intensive care due to DT's.  She says she wants to stop...probably why she keeps going through bad withdrawals however I cant understand why  she drinks again, as soon as she can.  She spends all her money, then helps herself to my money and  emptying the joint account.   This month she could pay her half of the mortgage. I cant afford to keep paying it on my own, Im scared we'll loose our home in the long run.Her family don't want to know her while she is always drunk, which is making the depression worse...around and around we go.  I am completely on my own dealing with this.  there is no let up.  one minute she's fine, quite happy and calm, the next she downed a bottle and unable to speak. My fear is that I am going to arrive home to find her dead.  I cant tell you how many times she has fallen down the stairs and bruised her face and body..she never remembers doing it.  She used to fall asleep when drunk, now she is verbally abusive and her memory is getting worse.  Forgetting things or asking the same thing over and over.  Im so sorry...you all have your own problems, I just feel i need to scream out loud that I need help.  All my energy goes into making sure she is alive, that she eats and drinks water. and working a 50 hour week too. Thank god there isnt any children involved. Is there any 'chatroom' types for families of alcoholics?  just somewhere we can vent and for someone to say your not alone...

Comments

Nevergiveup
17 Jul 2015

It's so sad when someone you love goes into self destruct, my children's father is in self destruct and it's heartbreaking to watch and not know how to help. I live with the same problem my partners now on the medication to help him off drink but he's still drinking, forgetful, angry, abusive, I know that energy you say you are using, trying to keep them alive, it's heart breaking. Im still looking for a solution and I've been looking for 20 years, my children will be fortunate if they spend Xmas 2015 with him. He's in self destruct. You need to take care of yourself and ask for help from the professionals, I hope things work out for you both

blue butterfly
17 Jul 2015

Hi Nevergiveup, Thank you for your response.  This is the wrong way to say it but its nice to know there is someone out there in the same position as me.  My partner keeps saying she needs help...but is drunk the next minute.  She goes to the GP but I think she tells them a pack of lies.  I don't think I could cope with this for 20 years and to be honest I don't think she'll be here in 20 years.  She binge drinks every day now.  I come home to find her passed out most days.  So I completely understand the term self destruct.  i've lost 3 stone over the past 6 months, I'm trying to look after myself...I am going to take your advice and speak to my GP, I'm due to go for a medicine review in a couple of weeks so will try to be brave and tell him whats happening in my life.  I hope you find a way to get through this. I pray that your partner will finally see what he is doing to you and his children.  Take care of yourself.

Nevergiveup
22 Jul 2015

Blue butterfly, please tell your doctor what life is like at home, professionals are more understanding to the reality of life nowadays and they will give you different avenues of support. Much of what you say is identical to what im experiencing and what many others are experiencing.  Ive told myself this time is the last hand of support I will be giving. Ask her to refer herself for help, its a step forward if she does. Make sure you attend with her if possible. I went along to an appointment with my partner 2 years ago and I told the doctor is situation.  It upset my partner but it probably saved his life, I hope somehow you get the support you need since you cant support your partner if your breaking down too, good luck and you take care of yourself too.

shazb1971
23 Jul 2015

hi blue butterfly and nevergiveup although my problem is with weed with my son i am also a recovering drinker there is a lot of alcoholics in my family i think we have addictive personalities i now have an addiction with collecting stuff mainly art glass which i do spend money on but at least it isn't hurting my family and at worst i can sell it and get my money back and maybe moreso. But i know too well what addictions are it makes you selfish not see things clearly when i look through sober eyes now i  am kicking myself my eldest son is addicted to weed and now my eldest daughter i have  two younger daughters i am really going to town on them as i don't want them thinking drinking and drugs is normal it is the society we live in that doesn't help drugs and drink are treat like a norm but when you have addictive personalities it soon goes off track my son as schizophrenia now due to weed use he didn't do drink much as he always got into serious trouble and was abusive with it so it put him off but did weed in excessive amounts itas affected our relationship we have had a big fall out but he as become very abusive and angry at me i have had to block him but i feel for you both as at least i don't have to deal with him as he isn't living with me but obviously it hurts like hell as i have lost a son to drugs as my son would never speak or abuse me like that horrible is drink and drugs take care of yourselves as it makes you mentally and physically ill Sharon

Nevergiveup
23 Jul 2015

Hi shazb
thank you for your comments, my partner too smokes cannabis daily and is very paranoid at almost everything.  If you could offer 1 single piece of advice to us families who are desperately trying to help a loved one, what would it be?
do you think we are better to walk away, since many of us have tolerated abuse formany years. His abuse when he needs a drink makes me feel very depressed. I must say I am very proud that you found a way back but feel for you now having to distance yourself from your son.  Put your efforts into the younger two and hopefully things will work out for you.

blue butterfly
23 Jul 2015

Hi Shazb, Reading your comments makes me feel like there may be a chance to turn things around.  I know both myself and nevergive up are asking questions.   but what was your turning point?  You should be very proud of yourself for doing it.   
I echo what nevergiveup says, focus on your younger two, educate them on the effects of drugs on their own bodies but also what it would do to the people they love.
what i'm going through with my partner is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.  on the outside everything is fine. inside I am just about holding it all together.   I hope we all find a way to cope with everything we are dealing with. I can't talk to my family about this, writing on here is the only time I allow myself to be truthful.  just wanted to say thank you for your replies. take care

Nevergiveup
23 Jul 2015

Hi blue butterfly, its really important you tell your family, they probably already suspect anyway. Telling them will give you someone to speak too when you need to let steam off, I dont know how
w you have held it together alone. Perhaps telling your family will offer some respite from time to  time. Its nothing to be ashamed of and you will feel much better if you do. My family know and they are very understanding.  Shazb has really turned her life around, I believe one day her children will return to her just like she returned to them. A little tough love does nobody harm. My partner emptied dishwasher today and mowed the grass, a massive achievement. He has 2 days left of the alcohol tablets then basically he has none, not sure how the weekend is going to be, but im hoping its calm, not abusive and doesnt leave another bad memory.  Ive been made redundant so apart from living like this, I, also trying to find another job to keep our home.  There are days when its all too much and I could just simply pack up and I too have days where I could turn to the drink. My love for my children restrains me from doing so. Ifshazb can turn things around there is hope for us and our families.  Talk to a family member and if not them tell your doctor, good luck, I hope one day she wakes up and sees your pain and I hope that comes sooner than later, take care

BlueButterfly1
2 Jul 2016

It's almost a year since I wrote this post, had to add 1 to BlueButterfly as I forgot my login details. Things are no better. We have days of binge drinking then one or two days sober...or soberish. She's been so abusive and full of regret when sobering up. Her family weren't great before but as she was getting drunk, going there and being abusive they no longer even reply to her texts. Which is making her worse. I'm stuck in this until the end.  No one else will keep an eye on her. I've gone past the point if hope. But I can't walk out knowing how bad she gets, she binges to the point where she goes into muscle spasms and then passes out. She has no shame as she will binge drink on the street. I just pray she makes her way home before her blood alcohol level gets too high. I'm just so tired.

BlueButterfly1
2 Jul 2016

It's almost a year since I wrote this post, had to add 1 to BlueButterfly as I forgot my login details. Things are no better. We have days of binge drinking then one or two days sober...or soberish. She's been so abusive and full of regret when sobering up. Her family weren't great before but as she was getting drunk, going there and being abusive they no longer even reply to her texts. Which is making her worse. I'm stuck in this until the end.  No one else will keep an eye on her. I've gone past the point if hope. But I can't walk out knowing how bad she gets, she binges to the point where she goes into muscle spasms and then passes out. She has no shame as she will binge drink on the street. I just pray she makes her way home before her blood alcohol level gets too high. I'm just so tired.

BlueButterfly1
2 Jul 2016

It's almost a year since I wrote this post, had to add 1 to BlueButterfly as I forgot my login details. Things are no better. We have days of binge drinking then one or two days sober...or soberish. She's been so abusive and full of regret when sobering up. Her family weren't great before but as she was getting drunk, going there and being abusive they no longer even reply to her texts. Which is making her worse. I'm stuck in this until the end.  No one else will keep an eye on her. I've gone past the point if hope. But I can't walk out knowing how bad she gets, she binges to the point where she goes into muscle spasms and then passes out. She has no shame as she will binge drink on the street. I just pray she makes her way home before her blood alcohol level gets too high. I'm just so tired.

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