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I want my mum

Posted by SH on 19 January 2012.

For as long as I can remember, our family was always a bit 'different' to those of my friends. My parents split up just before Christmas when I was 6, which at the time didn't seem to affect my older brother and myself. But things did change after my dad left, my mum always seemed to crave attention, she would take in people to our home and let them stay with us, often on the sofa, often with other 'hanger ons' in tow. Mum has always drank, really as long as I can remember and I know that the same goes for my other family members - no one really knows when or where the problem started, but it's there alright. Slowly, one by one, family members and friends have disappeared out of her life as they've had enough of her erratic, embarrassing and inappopriate behaviour. When I was a teen even my brother left, to move to the States. Even though I was the only person there for her, I was the one who took the worst insults, emotional torment and lies. Now I am an adult of 23 and I understand that she is ill. I have tried over the years to salvage a relationship with her, simply taking the bad with the (rare) good moments. She's highly intelligent, holds down a job and goes to work everyday. So she's convinced herself that she doesn't have a problem really. But this week, I tried once again to suggest she get some help following a few recent incidents. To be honest I was wasting my breath. All I could see was a sad, sick woman who has systematically pushed everyone away. Finally, now is the time for me to walk away, at least until she agrees to help, as I can't take any more hurt. It's not easy, either. Family and friends who tell me I need to make the break don't understand why I still feel so sad and guilty. She's my mum, even for her faults. At 23, it's still not too old to say I just want my mum. The mum I should have had growing up and the mum I should have now.

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