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IM DROWNING!!

Posted by CANT TAKE NO MORE on 1 March 2014.

My son is a liar a thief and totally unwilling to accept he has a problem. This has been escalating for nearly 4 years and I have had enough! I hate what he is doing to himself, and how it effects the rest of us...Ive tried everything, talking, supporting , being there 24/7, but im tired...I could cry quite easily at a drop of a hat, feel at  total failure as a mother, feel angry that he puts alcohol and drugs over his health, well being and us....Hes my boy, and I love him unconditionally, but I also hate him.....We cant leave him in the house alone, our trust for him has all but deminshed, but there is a part of me that really hopes and wants things to get better...Im pretty sure he will end up in prison, as he is on his last tag warning...and do you know what, I hope he goes...perhaps we will have a few months grace..peace and quiet.....Im not heartless, just lost, afraid, and wondering when something terrible will happen....The effect its had on our family is devastating....A little boy who had so many dreams, gone forever!

Comments

Franticmum
1 Mar 2014

hi love, you are certainly not heartless but a mum who is at a loss to help her son, drugs and alcohol destroy not just the users life but also the lives of their loved ones. Until he admits that he has a problem sadly there isnt much anyone can do to help, which I know is so frustrating, my son has been an addict for many yrs now, he has been through several rehabs, he seems to get so far then relapse, this latest has been the worse, I dont have any answers for you I really wish I had, Try to keep strong and trust your gut instincts, seek help for yourself to get u through this and remember it is his choice to live the way he does, and whatever the outcome of these choices it is not your fault, take care love 
Sue xx

sad and tired
2 Mar 2014

I am in the same position, my son has been on tag and back to court for breaching it.  I am at the point where I know its only a matter of time before he is sent to prison and I hate to say it but at least I will know where he is... how sad is that.  And yes it effects my family big time.  I don't sleep and most of my time is spent thinking about him or panicking because he has phoned or text not once but maybe two dozen times to demand something usually money.  I know how you feel.  I hope to god there will be a good outcome for all of us. xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
2 Mar 2014

Thankyou so much ladies, I cant tell you how heart warming it is to know that someone took the time to reply...This morning whilst getting ready, I had a complete breakdown.....It seems in some way or other we are all living with this hell.....I have stopped giving money and requested ALL my family do the same....The sleeping is the same Sad and tired, but I have a little one aswell so I put on a very different face for her....What I will say is its great to finally speak to others in the same boat..ive looked at where my nearest support group is and I will be going..because I matter too.....we all matter xxxx

max
3 Mar 2014

Your story is also mine . My son was arrested last week for the first time . Court next week . I too have made the decision to withdraw for the time being . No more paying his debts etc . He knows I love him & I know he loves me but I cannot carry on this way . He has been given so many opportunities to change his ways but at present he drinks too much and uses so called "party drugs " . His behaviour is erratic . I think it's easier for him to stay as he is than make the effort to change . I know he is terrified of going to court . I completely understand your thinking prison would give you a degree of peace of mind , I have thought the same at times . Stay strong , breathe deep and keep the faith that one day our children will change their lives . Cyber hugs to all of us .

Xena
6 Mar 2014

Have,nt been on for a while , just been struggling on fighting the battle , feel i have lost , today my son starts a life sentence for murder, he and 3 others were trying to get Heroin , it resulted in the stapping of another addict , not an intential act but all the same some one died , and today i feel i have died too

max
6 Mar 2014

I am so so sorry for you and your boy . I have no words to even begin to heal your pain . My heart reaches out to you .

sad and tired
6 Mar 2014

xena, I am so sorry, what an awful nightmare for you.  I am also sad for the other persons family.  These drugs and their dealers infect so many people and lives.....

CANT TAKE NO MORE
11 Mar 2014

Hi All, well where do we start....reading Xena's plight has made me cry...cry for the mother and the son she can now only see in prison...and crying for the person who lost their life....What the hell is going on out in our streets....and why did OUR children think the decision to try these hellish substances was good??? I grieve for the son I had...He went AWOL last week for 2 nights, turned up at my sisters asking for money....I have told ALL family not to give him anything.....then begged to come back.....he is home but has court next month, and I know he will get a sentence.....i hate the life he leads, i hate the lying, I hate the thieving....and I hate the person he has become.....I yearn to get my son back, and will never give up on him, but i WILL NOT play any part of his sick lifestyle!!!

motherwithsononheroin
28 Mar 2014

Hi, I joined this site about 10 minutes ago and have read your posts.  My heart goes out to you all.  I have recently thrown my son out.  He is a heroin addict, is extremely clever and manipulative and you can never tell when he is telling the truth or not.  He consistently blamed me for his addiction and his weakness, I would say, on an average at least 20 times per day.  If things didn't go his way he became nasty and verbally aggressive and break things but never his own property.  For the first time in what seems forever, I could leave my handbag unattended, not sure why I mentioned that.  I suppose what I am trying to lead on to is that, like our adult children, at some point, unsually when we just can't mentally or emotional take anymore. When your whole body hurts from the pain and guilt that we feel because we are all too convinced that our kids are the way they are because we have done something wrong as a parent.  So we make a choice, mine was to disown my son.  The son I know died when the heroin took him over.  This is the hardest choice I will ever have to make.  It is not normal for a mother to make such a choice and I feel evil, hurt, angry and heartbroken and desperate but I know that by making this choice it may, just may, help him to reach rock bottom where he may just realise how and what this evil drug is doing to him.  Please tell me if I am evil or if I am doing the right thing?

sad and tired
28 Mar 2014

no you have no choice, I have struggled on with my son for what seems like a long long time.  I have paid his debts and got him straight numerous times, thinking he will get himself together and he hasn't.  He now faces the prospect of no money to get to work and his car insurance terminated, his car will be repossessed before much longer and I can see he will lose his job.  For the first time I am letting it happen, and I feel really bad but I cant do anymore, he was paid last Friday went out Friday night and Saturday night and spent the lot.  How am I meant to keep up with that.  If he doesn't sort himself out I will end up kicking him out.  Like you son he says everything is my fault, whatever it is. Well, sorry no its not, its his choices that have brought him to this.  I hope he is not touching heroin, I know certainly coke and other stuff.  How would you know if it is heroin.  Don't know why I ask it is just something that feels like it would be the worst thing he could be doing, and it worries me.......

motherwithsononheroin
28 Mar 2014

I didn't know my son was on heroin until it was too late, he had already become addicted.  Believe me, the give-a-way signs will come.  It's the after effects that are awful, flu like symptoms, irrational, desperate behaviour, begging for money and help to the point you feel so desperate for him.  Also eventually, he will become careless, you will, believe me, start to find needles and other things lying around his room.  Things start to go missing, anything he thinks he can sell.  I think we all see heroin as the EVIL drug but to be honest, not sure if it is any worse than coke, all I do know is that eventually and in time, what he is taking will not be enough and he will want more or something stronger for his next fix and will do anything to get it.  Looking back, I wish I had been stronger and harder from the start.  I have only just learnt not to show any emotion to him or let his manipulated convincing stories touch my heart strings.

sad and tired
28 Mar 2014

he has already sold every thing he can,  he has stolen from me.  He has nothing except the car which is on finance.  When I looked after his card for him, he waited till I had sorted everything out and then started to demand his card, he can get very verbally aggressive and yes he has begged for £50 to pay a debt.....I am worried that he has taken heroin. I have never found needles but I did find a stained teasoon and small fork with the top cup bit stained, I confronted him but he said I am paranoid it was food stain.  Didn't look like that to me.  So we go on one bit of chaos to the next.  I have found I am getting harder, I know its what I have to do, I keep hoping I am wrong about what he is doing but I cant see where all this money would be going otherwise. Sadly he may have to be on his knees before he wants to start coming back up.

CANT TAKE NO MORE
29 Mar 2014

Ladies the strength you show is remarkable..just knowing that others can share and know what you go through gives me strength to know I can continue...I take my bag around with me, never leave money around and check what he is doing when he is upstairs....He borrowed his sisters Ipod and im sure he has sold it.......Ive told him he has till Sunday to return it or I will buy a new one out of money he has (which I wont give him)from a saving plan I took out for him......there is no way I will giving him a penny of it until he is clean of his vile evil lifestyle!!!

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