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im lost

Posted by mrs.t on 19 September 2013.

Hi im a 24 year old i have the most beautiful son and a partner who is addicted to heroine, we've been together 8 years now and i was aware at the begining of the relationship he was a user but i fell for him. At the beginning it wasn't too bad but then 2 years in i found out he was injecting and when i found out and because i didn't leave him it was like he thort i was ok with it and he and life spiralled out of control it was the worst time of my life but somehow i stayed strong and about a year later helped him through his rattle and he stayed clean for a few years. In 2010 after moving to a new area and a few years of happiness even though he had the odd little blip he seemed to be able to keep controll. But i had a feeling he was hiding more then i discovered i was pregnant although i got told i couldn't have chrildren it was like a dream come true, i felt over the moon it was something id wanted so much for so long my life was finaly coming together but then he was smokin more often and lying about it he would tell me he's be somewhere but find him somewhere else would have dealers texting my phone day and night and to be honest i just buried my head in the sand ignored it and focused on my pregnancy. When my son was only hours old my partner was out scorin and came to the hospital stikin of the stuff i was heart broken and i felt so guilty to my son because looking at him i wanted the best life i could give him. a few weeks later i gave my partner an ultimatum because puttin me 2nd to heroine was one thing but not my son he deserves better so for about a year he done really well and stayed clean and was a fantasic hands on dad my son is nearly 18 months old now im still suffering from pnd and have recently found out he's smoking again and don't know what to do anymore i love him with all my heart but i dnt know if iv got the strenth anymore i never want my son growing up with his dad on heroine and my worst fear is that Hel spiral again iv told him so many times he's going to lose us if he carries on but it don't make any difference i know in going to have to to show him in serious but in finding it really hard and don't know if in doing the right thing i just want me and my son to be enough for him but don't feel we ever will because evry time we seem to getting anywhere i realise were just going backwards

Comments

blondie1
5 Oct 2013

bless ur heart- i really feel for you, im in the same sort of situation, he is the only one that can get off the stuff-it doesnt matter what you say or do- he has to be the one to fight his demons and come back to you and your son after he has done so- fingers crossed for you he does get off trhe stuff! they r the only ones that can ever fully understand the stuff and have to get off it by themselves, i hope he does for yours and your sons sake xxxxxxxxxxxx

Survivor.
8 Oct 2013

Hi. Your story is sad just as mine is / was. I had to walk away and still kept getting dragged back into my now ex's habbit, the lies & deceit just broke me totaly. Heroin has destroyed my life and I'm not even the user. Keep you & your child safe but take my word for it You will never come first when that disgusting drug is in the equasion. God Bless xxx

DANI
25 Nov 2013

Hello there, just wanted to tell you that I do know how you feel as I felt like this for so long. I have a very similar situations to yours. I found out of my husbands addiction to heroin when I was 3 months pregnant. We met just an year before and it was like living in paradise. He was so caring and strong. Then we move 
to the big city and problems started. I was totally ignorant during my pregnancy, not even knowing how degenerative and addictive the heroin was. 5 years on the struggle continues - I went through all stages starting with denial and anger, then the threats of leaving him, we went to ask for help and he got on Methadone program and Subotext and kept lying to me and his child that one day he will be clean. Finally I realized that all that time my life was around him or his problem. So where was my life? I suggested him to look for help himself and moved on. Now he is in a rehab( 1 year ). Weather it is going to work for him or not I don't know - but that doesn't matter now. I have my beautiful child and my life to live. Only the future will show whether he will be part of it or not. the decision is his. I know for myself that I wont be manipulated anymore and live my life in fear or shame. Once when you show respect of yourself then others will see it as well. That might be the answer for you. Sorry if the post is too long or boring but just poured my heart out. Be strong xxx

Sdiggle
21 Dec 2013

Thats my life every moment its like I wrote that post so what do I do where do I turn im feeling like im going round in circles day after day

Survivor.
22 Dec 2013

Hi sdiggle.
Where you turn depends on what you yourself want & need.
I'm still going round in circles after walking away 2 years ago due to the fact I love my ex but I just cant love his habbit or the damage it has done. I help myself by being honest and trusting in god and hoping some day soon something will change for the better. It helps to talk and just know your not alone in what you are going through xxx

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