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in love with a person with an addiction

Posted by peppa33 on 11 September 2015.

Well after seeing my boyfriend for 7 months I realised he had an addiction to heroin,I was absolutely gutted,felt like he had cheated me into staying with him,he knew I would not have went near him if I had known from day 1.I can see past the drugs fortunately for him.at times I've been more like his child minder than his girlfriend,trying to make sure he has eaten something,but mostly making sure he had money for his next fix so he didn't have to rattle.felt as if I was condoning his addiction half the time,but what's the alternative?watch him cradle his body in pain,sweats,agitated,restless,grumpy and frustrated.cold turkey he tried twice,I stayed with him and never saw daylight till day 4,it was really long and hard to watch the man I love try and fight the demons in his mind and the cravings and desires for the drug.it never worked,day 4 he was absolutely desperate.gabas(painkillers)helped him get as far as day 4 which was a major achievement for any addict.but heroin won again.next step I got him on the subprime programme,28 days of disolving tablets under the tongue,by the third week he was back to his regular habits.now on the meth programme as of yesterday.still using though half the amount he was,and swallowing 20mg dose of meth till it goes up next week.I have felt every emotion possible I think.love,hate,frustration,anxious,useless,used,foolish.I hope he gets off the cheap this time round.many a time I was on the verge of being heartbroken and leaving him.thankfully he has work though it did suffer through the battles he faced with this drug.I can't tell anyone because nobody knows,his mum knows he was on the subprime but she thinks he is still on them and isn't using.I have no more tears left to give and my next step will be leading to a single life.

Comments

Icarus Trust
26 Oct 2015

Hi
It sounds like you might like someone to talk to who would understand how you are feeling. It is really hard to cope with what you are going through, supporting someone with an addiction like your boyfriend. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports people like yourself. if you contact us we can put you in touch with one of our trained volunteers which might help you to see a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope this helps. Good luck with everything.

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