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Is it his problem or mine?

Posted by Zac1976 on 27 March 2017.

Married to him for 25 years.  3 growing children. He is a senior professional. No financial worries.  Not an abusive relationship. My question is  whether his drinking is his problem or is it mine.  It is not the quantity he drinks but it is the habitual nature of the drinking.  Every night for the past 25 years he has consumed 3 pints of high strength lager EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.  It increases at social events and holidays but it is NEVER less than that. Why is it my problem? I blame the alcohol for us not having any common interests. I blame the alcohol for his withdrawal from family life. I blame the drink for our lack of closeness.  I want to be able to say to him "You have a problem" but I have no evidence that he has a problem.  He doesn't fit the "alcoholic" profile.  And I'm not sure he fits the "alcohol-dependent" profile.  But alcohol is at the root of all our problems.  His unit consumption is 50 a week.  He is 57 now.  Should I shut up and put up or do I have a valid point?  Sorry to put this out there.  There are so many people struggling with family members in far worse situations.


Icarus Trust
27 Mar 2017

If you feel it would be good to talk with someone who might understand please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are having to deal with addictive behaviours of family members or friends. What you are coping with is hard so it may help you to talk and get some support for yourself which one of our experienced trained volunteers may be able to do. 
You can contact us on or visit the website
Good luck.

27 Mar 2017

Thank you Icarus Trust I will contact you. Kind regards

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