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it's destroying my life

Posted by Rosalie on 17 January 2015.

Im 32, mother of 3 boys, married my high school sweetheart 12 yrs ago. Rough start, no doubt. Infidelity on his part caused a 2 yr separation and threw me into depression. At that time our first 2 were toddler. After months of counseling we decided to try again. Few yrs later i felt on top of the world again. I had a good job and so did my husband. Our kids were in a charter school, had good grades, good manners. My husband and i were best friends and in love again. Then - we moved to a new neighborhood. One of our neighbors befriended my husband. I heard rumors that he was a heavy drug user and i asked my husband to be careful about his company. I don't  even know when it started but my husband started doing drugs. At first it was cocaine. Now it's crack.  

Needless to say his crack addiction has turned our life into a living chaos. He cant get or hold a job. He pawned all our things of value. He pawned all of his mother's  gold jewelery. He traded my laptop with 4 yrs of memories for 40 dlls worth of crack. He sold my sons consoles and games. He sold their piano. My purses. Everything of value is gone. He even traded some of our furniture for drugs. I am bipolar and suffer from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I say that because my health is fragile and i have to take care of my sanity. When  i found out what he was doing i was in shock. But then worse things happened. He got multiple loans to fund his habit. I started finding out a lot of things. Quite  frankly i couldn't accept that i was sleeping next to a stranger every night. He steals, he lies, he has forgotten about  our needs. My whole paycheck is used paying rent, bills, and trying to rescue our things he sold and pawned. The other chunk is used to pay back all the people we had to borrow money from to be able to feed our children. He can spend over $100 a day. While i walk around with torn shoes and hand me downs. What's  worse  is that my children think im the monster. Naturally i become infuriated when he does what he does. I get angry. I yell at him. I become enraged when he prevents me from feeding my boys. Yet, my sons dont know what he does or how he spends our money. So they dont understand why i get so angry and or why i react the way i do. They defend him. I've  explained to them that a divorce may be our only choice but i haven't gone thru with that out of fear that they'll be too affected by this. 

I had to tell my husbands family what he was doing. His parents are broke too thanks to him. I thought  that telling his family would help him stop. Nope. Wrong.

I am lost. I am losing myself more and more everyday. He traded my mental health meds for his drugs too. Once he sobers up he ignores me and he's  pretty much a jerk all the time. We don't  talk. We don't  smile or kiss. I try to stay away from him as much as i can as a last resort self defense. 

My life is falling apart. I don't  know where to turn or what to do. I truly hope this will end but I'm  done believing it will.

Comments

PleaseDontDie
19 Jan 2015

I am sorry for your pain, I was with my ex for 12 years, it was great for the first ten years. He started using meth during the last two years, cheated on me with approximately sixty women. He started coming home later and later, eventually not at all. Spent our rent money twice, leaving us facing homelessness. I have three kids, two are his. He neglected his duties as a husband but more importantly as a father. I became so depressed, I cried for two years in my room. Self seclusion, I'm still screwed up over the whole mind f---, he dealt our family. I stayed with him, I thought because I'm old school and felt it was better for the kids, Daddy would come around.......nope. He has gone two years without bothering to see our kids, this time. I wish I left him a long time ago, the kids suffer more I believe surrounded by the toxicity of these men........do them and yourself a favor and pack up and leave, or kick him to the curb.

PleaseDontDie
19 Jan 2015

I am sorry for your pain, I was with my ex for 12 years, it was great for the first ten years. He started using meth during the last two years, cheated on me with approximately sixty women. He started coming home later and later, eventually not at all. Spent our rent money twice, leaving us facing homelessness. I have three kids, two are his. He neglected his duties as a husband but more importantly as a father. I became so depressed, I cried for two years in my room. Self seclusion, I'm still screwed up over the whole mind f---, he dealt our family. I stayed with him, I thought because I'm old school and felt it was better for the kids, Daddy would come around.......nope. He has gone two years without bothering to see our kids, this time. I wish I left him a long time ago, the kids suffer more I believe surrounded by the toxicity of these men........do them and yourself a favor and pack up and leave, or kick him to the curb.

Icarus Trust
19 Jan 2015

Hi Rosalie,
I really feel sad for you and the horrible situation you are in. It really sounds like you could do with somebody to be there to support you. There is help for people who are dealing with what you are. A charity called The Icarus Trust supports the families and friends of addicts. If you get in touch with us we would be able to put you in touch with one of our 'Family Friends'. These are trained volunteers who have lots of experience of the kinds of things you are going through. 
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I t is a free service and I hope that it might be the kind of help that you would find really supportive.

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