We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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it's destroying my life
Posted by Rosalie on 17 January 2015.
Im 32, mother of 3 boys, married my high school sweetheart 12 yrs ago. Rough start, no doubt. Infidelity on his part caused a 2 yr separation and threw me into depression. At that time our first 2 were toddler. After months of counseling we decided to try again. Few yrs later i felt on top of the world again. I had a good job and so did my husband. Our kids were in a charter school, had good grades, good manners. My husband and i were best friends and in love again. Then - we moved to a new neighborhood. One of our neighbors befriended my husband. I heard rumors that he was a heavy drug user and i asked my husband to be careful about his company. I don't even know when it started but my husband started doing drugs. At first it was cocaine. Now it's crack. Needless to say his crack addiction has turned our life into a living chaos. He cant get or hold a job. He pawned all our things of value. He pawned all of his mother's gold jewelery. He traded my laptop with 4 yrs of memories for 40 dlls worth of crack. He sold my sons consoles and games. He sold their piano. My purses. Everything of value is gone. He even traded some of our furniture for drugs. I am bipolar and suffer from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I say that because my health is fragile and i have to take care of my sanity. When i found out what he was doing i was in shock. But then worse things happened. He got multiple loans to fund his habit. I started finding out a lot of things. Quite frankly i couldn't accept that i was sleeping next to a stranger every night. He steals, he lies, he has forgotten about our needs. My whole paycheck is used paying rent, bills, and trying to rescue our things he sold and pawned. The other chunk is used to pay back all the people we had to borrow money from to be able to feed our children. He can spend over $100 a day. While i walk around with torn shoes and hand me downs. What's worse is that my children think im the monster. Naturally i become infuriated when he does what he does. I get angry. I yell at him. I become enraged when he prevents me from feeding my boys. Yet, my sons dont know what he does or how he spends our money. So they dont understand why i get so angry and or why i react the way i do. They defend him. I've explained to them that a divorce may be our only choice but i haven't gone thru with that out of fear that they'll be too affected by this. I had to tell my husbands family what he was doing. His parents are broke too thanks to him. I thought that telling his family would help him stop. Nope. Wrong. I am lost. I am losing myself more and more everyday. He traded my mental health meds for his drugs too. Once he sobers up he ignores me and he's pretty much a jerk all the time. We don't talk. We don't smile or kiss. I try to stay away from him as much as i can as a last resort self defense. My life is falling apart. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I truly hope this will end but I'm done believing it will.
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